As I’m walkin’ down Ocean Drive in the middle of South Beach I hear these cats sittin’ at a quaint cafe arguin’ about intelligence so I slow down. Roger Ebert said, “Your intellect may be confused, but your emotions will never lie to you.” Salvador Dali, the famous Spanish painter, ordered another glass of wine when he said, “Intelligence without ambition is a bird without wings.” Then Henry Ford poured out a lil’ liquor for all the dead homies when he said, “Failure is simply the opportunity to begin again, this time more intelligently.”
Well it looks like failure in the 2014 Finals is definitely the opportunity to begin again and this time more intelligently for the Miami Heat. It just got real playboys! The Big Three have all officially opted out so let the games begin. On Sunday afternoon Chris Bosh’s agent, Henry Thomas told, Pat Riley that ole boy would be optin’ out. Wade threw his contract that was worth $42 million on bad knees in the toilet on Saturday and LeBron did the same on last Tuesday. The deadline for boyz to declare free agency is Monday at midnight.
Now on some real talk, they all were due to make $42 million give or take some chump change over the next two years but I mentioned D. Wade’s contract specifically because that dun’s knees are shot. You already know he came in the joint clutchin’ that bread before he let it go. Can you imagine knowin’ your joints are like old man Curtis’ down the street and a boy is talkin’ to you about the good of the freakin’ team? He doesn’t wanna hear that bruh! I know he’s got bread but $42 million is $42 million.
He’s like, “Bron you gotta break me off some of that Beats bread if we gone make this happen!” Bron is like, “I got you dawg let’s just sit down and figure this thang out. Cuz we cannot show up with the supportin’ cast that we had last year bruh.” D. Wade, “Aight bet! But remember I just had another shorty and you already know ole girl gone want one if we really hook up.” Bron: “I got you dawg! Just get in the car!” Wade: “Bron I ain’t playin’ bruh!” Bosh is sittin’ in the back seat like, “Man I’m with whatever! But Bron can you hook me up too?” Bron: “I got it dawg! Just shut up and get in the ride!” Bosh: “Hold on a second playboy I ain’t Rio back here!”
Because these duns are sittin’ in the whip in front of Mr. Lucky’s Burger & Liquor/Night Club joint together clearly means that they’re all lookin’ to resign with the Heat. Only a delusional Cleveland Cavs fan would have thought otherwise and oh yeah, ole dull Chris Broussard that’s been runnin’ around all year talkin’ crazy. So now that the Cleveland foolishness is pretty much out of the window let’s talk turkey.
Let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1st! My mans and nem close to the situation says that even though all three signed nearly identical joints the last time. Discussions this rip says that LeBron is lookin’ for max money because he’s never been the single highest paid cat on the team in his 11 year career.
Now if that is the case playa, somebody’s gotta make that make sense to the dun with the degenerative knees sittin’ in the passenger seat that just threw $42 million out the window on I-95 hollerin’ at Luke.
You already know that they’re gonna make it happen but D. Wade is sittin’ in the joint with a finger on the trigger like, “One false move and Ima go HAM up in this joint. And we ain’t leavin’ until it makes sense to all my baby mommas past, present and future. Y’all hear me?”
They’re gonna be up in that joint like Howard Hughes slidin’ milk and food trays under the door for weeks until they can make it make sense. They’ve got to be able to win on the floor, get LeBron his bread, keep D. Wade from shootin’ a boy and Bosh is still sittin’ there like, “Man I’m with whatever dawg.” D. Wade is like, “Whatever my rectum bruh!” And that’s the edited version!
If LeBron wants to keep boyz happy and win at the same time he’s gonna have to pull a Jordan pimpin’! All you young boyz out there don’t realize that Jordan was a gangsta that understood what to do to make it happen to win championships. We just didn’t have social media back then and a twenty four hour news cycle so you didn’t see it. He already knew that no team includin’ the Bulls could afford to pay him what he was worth so he didn’t force them to try to make it work.
He was gettin’ so much bread from endorsements that he left ridiculous money on the table for the team to get him role players. He only made like $3 million a year for the better part of his career bruh. Out of the top 100 NBA Salaries All-Time that dun is No.87! He only made $90 million durin’ his ENTIRE career and he picked up $60 million of that durin’ his last two seasons with the Bulls.
So if you wanna keep winnin’ playa you better pull a Jordan because it’s like this. You can win or get paid max money but you can’t do both! Ask them boyz down in San Antonio if I’m lyin’ to you. Naw better yet, just pick up the phone right now and ask Jordan if I’m lyin’? He’ll be spittin’ through the phone tellin’ you about how Tony Kukoc was makin’ $12 million comin’ off of the bench and he was makin’ $3 million lightin’ the freakin’ league up. But if you wanna win that’s the only way to do it. Why? Because you’re never gonna get what you’re worth and keep D. Wade from shootin’ a boy. Stop me when I start lyin’!