The Jay Graves Report

Why Derrick Rose’s story makes ABSOLUTELY no sense! “Wolfmen & Kangaroos”

"I'm only gonna tell you what I'm gonna tell you!"

Hosea Ballou, the 18th century Universalist and clergyman and theological writer, once said, “Exaggeration is a blood relation to falsehood and nearly as blamable.” Josh Billings, the 19th century humorist, broke it down like this, “There are some people so addicted to exaggeration that they can’t tell the truth without lying.” Then Walt Disney jumped out of the whip drinkin’ some ole school Mad Dog 20/20 and spit up, “All cartoon characters and fables must be exaggeration, caricatures. It is the very nature of fantasy and fable.”

Well playas…if Derrick Rose thinks that boyz are goin’ to believe the foolishness he told the fake media-types on Tuesday about his sudden disappearance on Monday night he’s livin’ in complete fantasy and fable!! Just in case you’ve been livin’ under a rock in the projects for the past 24 hours this dun went AWOL on Monday before the Knicks played the New Orleans Pelicans. He didn’t show up for the game and NOBODY had heard from him. He misses the game (his job) without hollerin’ at ANYONE!!

Then later in the night they find out that he’s back in Chicago takin’ care of a family emergency accordin’ to him.

He comes back on Tuesday mornin’ and is at practice with the team. They fine the dun and he meets with the press and has this to say, “That was a family issue. For one, it had nothing to do with the team or basketball. But um…that was the first time I had ever felt like that emotionally and I had to be with my family.”  

Okay pimpin’ let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1st! Before we go any further let’s dissect what the dun just said! Let’s ONLY dissect what he said!!! To say that it was a family issue gets a boy some sympathy off the rip. Not sayin’ that the dun is lyin’, just sayin’ that it buys him some time on the story. A boy is willin’ to listen to him at this point.

Here’s when the red flags go up playa. When he says, “It had nothing to do with the team or basketball.” Well playa, that’s obvious!! If it had something to do with the team or basketball the cats runnin’ the team and the basketball would have known where he was! So when he throws that in the air that tells me that he’s on something else. Then he throws the ultimate foolishness in the air when he says, “That was the first time that I ever felt like that emotionally and I had to be with my family.” 

That’s like the “add on” to the story just to make sure a boy doesn’t question him because he was overly emotional about it. You can’t question a boy bein’ emotional because it wouldn’t be right.

Again, I’m not sayin’ that he didn’t have an emergency at the crib and that he didn’t have a legitimate reason to dip. What I am sayin’ is that what he’s tellin’ boyz doesn’t make sense. He’s a GROWN TAIL man (that’s the edited version) that has a job and responsibilities to take care of. So if he had to dip and go to the crib, regardless of the reason, he’s got to tell the team that he’s got to dip. You can’t just take off without tellin’ boyz what you’re doin’. If what you’re doin’ is legit. Like Big Momma always says, “There is a right way to do things!” And leavin’ your job without tellin’ anybody isn’t the right way to do it.

It wasn’t like he was standin’ in his livin’ room and he saw Ms. Ruthie’s baby hangin’ out of the third floor window by a bed sheet and he just ran out of the house mid-sentence and ran down the street to save the baby from fallin’ out of he window. Then he comes back and says I couldn’t tell you what was goin’ on because the baby was about to fall out of the window. That makes sense bruh.

But for a grown man to drive to the airport, park his car, go through security, wait for the flight to take off, fly two hours to Chicago, get off of the flight, walk out of the airport, get into a car and drive to the crib, walk in the door and spend most of the evenin’ with the family and not answer the phone doesn’t add up. Why? Because I’ve got kids!!!

The NBA not only has team security but it has league security. If a player comes up missin’, like Rose did, there is a high alert to find that dun. So his phone was blowin’ up and EVERYBODY affiliated with him that has a phone was blowin’ up and he knows why it was blowin’ up. So to tell a boy that he wasn’t answerin’ the phone because he needed his space is suspect. People are lookin’ for you because you are they’re responsibility.

Again, the only reason boyz are lookin’ at him with the stink eye is because he disappeared when he didn’t have to disappear for a family emergency. Why? Because everybody has a family and we all understand family emergencies. As a matter of fact, if he’d just told a boy that he had a family emergency they would have flown him to the crib on the owner’s private jet. Why? Because everyone with a family understands family emergencies.

What he told the press was some extra foolishness that makes the story sound suspect like the dun that had to meet with his boss for bein’ late to work. “Uhhhh, I was late because as I was drivin’ down the expressway and a Wolfman was chasin’ a kangaroo and they ran out into the street. I swerved to miss them and I hit the Wolfman causin’ him to break his ankle. He called his mother but she was takin’ too long so I took him to the hospital. While we were waitin’ in the emergency room the kangaroo came in with the Wolfman’s ID and his car keys. It was so much goin’ on that I couldn’t call anybody and tell them what was happenin’.”

That’s how crazy Derrick Rose sounds tellin’ boyz that he had to dip for a family issue and that he couldn’t call the team and just tell them that. I hope everything is okay with him though but it still doesn’t add up. The moral of the story is this, when people are payin’ you, you have to tell them what you’re doin’ regardless of the situation. You can’t just disappear and not answer the phone bruh. Stop me when I start lyin’!

Playas Thesaurus: 

1) Spit: verb – to say

2) Dun: noun – the person in question, dude, guy, etc. It’s whoever I’m talkin’ about and its non-gender specific.

3) Pimpin’: noun – the person that I’m passionately tryin’ to get my point across to.

4) Off the rip: Hood for “Off the top” or for starters

5) Dip: verb – to leave

 The caption under the photo isn’t real but it’s REAL talk! 

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