The Jay Graves Report

Alabama’s Tim Williams does NOT wanna talk to Big Momma right now! “Twisted”

"Please don't call Big Momma?"

Solomon Short, the well-known writer, once said, “Half of being smart is knowing what you are dumb about.” Neil deGrasse Tyson, the astrophysicist, broke it down like this, “No one is dumb who is curious. The people who don’t ask questions remain clueless throughout their lives.” Then Richard P. Feynman, the physicist, put it where the goats could get it when he spit, “I believe that a scientist looking at nonscientific problems is just as dumb as the next guy.”

Well playas…I believe that a dun carryin’ a gun on a college campus that is the projected No.9 overall pick in the upcomin’ NFL draft, accordin’ to Mel Kiper, Jr.’s Big Board, is a complete fool!!! On Thursday mornin’ Alabama star linebacker, Tim Williams, was arrested on the yard for carryin’ a gun without a permit accordin’ to Tuscaloosa News. Ole boy was parked out in front of the Publix on University Blvd. smokin’ weed with a boy. Campus police rolled up on them smellin’ the weed and subsequently searched the ride and found the gun.

Let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1st! The first rule of thumb when dealin’ with the police out here is as soon as they smell the weed and they’re look for the gun bruh. Ninety percent of the time if there’s weed there’s a gun. They run in pairs like a Kit Kat bar.

Yeah, he had a receipt for the gun but he didn’t have a permit to carry it. But again playboy, why are you carryin’ a gun on campus and sittin’ outside smokin’ weed like you’re in the projects?

This dun is literally standin’ over lookin’ into the “Promised Land” (NFL) with a darn gun in his pocket!!! First of all playa, why do you need a gun on campus? Secondly, you are the freakin’ man on that campus! Thirdly, you’re one of the biggest duns walkin’ around on that campus!! Fourthly!! If that’s even a word! You play for ALABAMA!!!! Why do you have a gun?

If you need a gun on campus what is wrong with you? But you know what bruh? These young cats today don’t have a clue. Everybody wants to be a gangsta until they realize that bein’ a gangsta is only cool if you’re in the freakin’ movies.

Have you ever heard the colloquialism “You can take the dun out of the ghetto but you can’t take the ghetto out of the dun?” Well here we go bruh! He’s been givin’ the opportunity of a lifetime to play college football, not to mention at the best program in America right now and he’s actin’ like Pookie and Lil Elbow right now!

Bruh…can you imagine what that conversation was like with Nick Saban this mornin’? You know how that dun will pull his head set off and throw a fit lookin’ like he’s about to pass out? Well he passed out cursin’ ole boy clean out!! Naw forget that, think about the conversation with Big Momma when Nick made him call her from his office. Big Momma is at work and they’re tellin’ her that her baby that’s in college is on the phone.

Tim in his Charlie Brown teacher voice, “Waw, waw, waw.” Big Momma: “You got what? And was doin’ what? And was carryin’ what? I’m on my way down there now! Ima beat yo butt(edited version)!!! Embarrassin’ me and mine! You got me messed up (edited version)!” Tim: Naw Big Momma coach got it!” Big Momma: He better get it before I get down there! Cuz I’m on my way!”  

I just hope this dun learns a valuable lesson from all of this! Stop me when I start lyin’!

Playas Thesaurus: 

1) Spit: verb – to say

2) Dun: noun – the person in question, dude, guy, etc. It’s whoever I’m talkin’ about and its non-gender specific.

3) Put it where the goats can get it: verb phrase – to make it as elementary as possible. To put it at ground level so everyone can understand it.

The caption under the photo isn’t real but its REAL talk!