The Jay Graves Report

The Philistine from Cleveland bullies Boston in front of Big Momma Nem! “New Money”

"Ain't nothin' you can do with this bruh!" Photo: Bob DeChiara

I keep tryin’ to tell you boyz that until somebody shows up with five smooth stones and a sling shot that Philistine in Cleveland is goin’ to continue to do damage. On Wednesday night ole boy showed up in Boston for Game 1 of the Eastern Conference Finals and tossed the Celtics around like new money at Magic City.

The Cavs jumped all over these boyz and walked outta the joint with a 117-104 victory. The final score was not indicative of the beat down they put on Boston in front of Big Momma nem.

Let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1st! There is no answer for LeBron James in these NBA streets bruh! Ole boy is a match up nightmare and he gave the Celtics fits for the 42 minutes he decided to play. The dun finished with 38 points, 9 rebounds and 7 assists. He got buckets the old fashioned way! He destroyed every defender they threw at him by simply takin’ them to the rack or blowin’ by a boy at will. He only hit one 3 pointer bruh primarily because it didn’t make sense to even attempt them because he was havin’ his way gettin’ easier buckets. In my Bill Russell voice to Uncle Drew, “What these young bloods have to understand is that this game has always been and will always be about buckets!”

I felt so bad for Al Horford and Marcus Smart bruh because they caught the brunt of that foolishness all night. Whenever Horford drew the short stick ole boy just blew past him and when Smart got caught on that island it was like an 8 year old playin’ in the driveway against his old man.

What made it so bad was that Kevin Love got hot early on and finished with 32 points shootin’ 56 percent from the field and 66 percent from behind the arc. So they couldn’t just leave that dun wide open. Therefore, they had to account for him. So guess what playa? That Philistine was out there 1 on 1 with a boy all night!!!

At the break LeBron had already scored or assisted on 32 points!! The Celtics only had 36 points!!! That’s NUTS!!! Say what you want bruh but we’ve never seen anything like this before. EVER!! He’s doin’ whatever he wants to against NBA players!!

Ole boy looked like he was in the lay up line durin’ the actual game!! Within’ the first quarter and a half he’d already played 4 positions on the floor and had guarded all five positions on the other end. He transitions in and out of positions so seamlessly that duns watchin’ this foolishness with the naked eye don’t see or literally take it for granted.

I’ve been tellin’ you boyz since the playoffs started that Boston had a serious problem. Their best player was 5’8″! Normally he’s a threat to boyz because he’s a match up problem to bigger defenders. However, early in the ball game that Philistine set the tone. He went out on the perimeter with the smallest player on the floor to guard him. Isaiah Thomas tried to shake and bake the dun, then he went to the crossover to try to blow past him and got his joint slapped right back at him. Then on the next possession LeBron’s guardin’ a big. It’s ridiculous!

That’s the type of foolishness I’m talkin’ about bruh. So sit in the cut, watch this nonsense play out and stop me when I start lyin’!

Playas Thesaurus: 

1) Magic City: noun – popular gentleman’s club in Atlanta

2) nem: noun – friends and family or whoever is rollin’ with the crew

3) Dun: noun – the person in question, dude, guy, etc. It’s whoever I’m talkin’ about and its non-gender specific.

4) Old Man: noun – someone’s father

The G is excluded from the endings of all words because the G is near and dear to my heart because I’m from “The G” which is Gary, Indiana. So I only use the G when I’m talkin’ about “The G!”

The caption under the photo isn’t real but its real talk!