The Jay Graves Report

Spurs carjack Golden State in Big Momma’s Driveway! “Texas Boyz”

Golden State Warriors' Draymond Green (23), Kevin Durant (35), Stephen Curry (30) and Zaza Pachulia (27) pause as Curry prepares to make a free throw after he was fouled against San Antonio Spurs in the first half of their opening night at Oracle Arena in Oakland, Calif., on Tuesday, Oct. 25, 2016. (Ray Chavez/Bay Area News Group)

Wole Soyinka, the Nigerian playwright and poet, once said, “Power is domination, control, and therefore a very selective form of truth which is a lie.” Theodor Adorno, the German philosopher, pushed a boy’z dominoes off of the table when he said, “Domination delegates the physical violence on which it rests to the dominated.” Then Robert Louis Stevenson, the Scottish novelist and poet, poured out a little liquor for all the dead homies when he spit, “The habit of being happy enables one to be freed, or largely freed, from the domination of outward conditions.”

Well playas…ole Gregg Popovich and Co. rolled into Oakland on Tuesday night with the windows cracked and seats leaned all the way back bumpin’ that Big Pimpin’ by Jay-Z featurin’ UGK! However, they were only playin’ Pimp C’s verse! “Uhh what you know bout them Texas boyz? Comin’ down in candied toys smokin’ ‘bleep’ and talkin’ noise!” as they commenced to beatin’  the brakes off of the Golden State Warriors in Big Momma’s driveway 129-100.

 Let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1st! Ever since Kevin Durant moved out to the Bay Area this summer boyz have been ridin’ up and down the streets talkin’ about how Golden State are about to take over all hood operations from coast to coast with this Super Team and boyz should run for cover like Stewart Little. All you’ve heard was boyz “disturbin’ tha peace” like Ludacris bumpin’ the most popular cat reppin’ Oakland.

Since July, all night every night, there’s been nothin’ but Too Short joints comin’ out of KD’s truck.  He rolled into town blastin’ that “Short Dog’s In The House” and substitutin’ it for KD. Then we had to hear this dun bumpin’ that “Life Is…Too Short” and “Get In Where You fit In” to the point of nauseam bruh while all the rest of those duns were in the ride just noddin’ their heads to the beat.

However, San Antonio wasn’t into believin’ the hype and came straight to Big Momma’s front door on a boy lookin’ for trouble on Day 1! You know how boyz in the ghetto do it bruh. They were sittin’ in the ride in the driveway talkin’ crazy and sippin’ on somethin’ when Pop and his boyz pulled up.

Only KD and Steph were willin’ to get it in because they were the only two puttin’ up shots. KD came out of the driver’s door with 27 and he hit the glass 10 times to back a boy up. Steph’s ole pretty light skinned butt came out of the passenger seat like a G with 26 on a boy!! However, nobody else got out of the ride.

When the Spurs realized that they were only fightin’ two cats they became overly aggressive and just took over. They out rebounded the Warriors 55-35 includin’ 21-8 on the offensive end. Their second and third car loads of boyz outscored Golden State 54-16 bruh! They let duns like Jonathon Simmons hit ‘um up for a career-high 20 points. Let me put it where the goats can get it bruh. When a dun get’s out of the trunk shootin’ that only his momma can recognize, you know you’re in trouble.

Finally, the Spurs jumped into KD’s truck and threw all of his Too Short CD’s out of the window like Cleo from “Set It OFF” and drove off bumpin’ that Geto Boys “We Can’t Be Stopped.”

When the police pulled up to clear the scene Steph told the cop that “It’s a nice little slap in the face.” Then KD ran over lookin’ all disheveled sayin’, “It’s a slap in the face. It woke us up a bit, and we’re looking forward to getting better.”  In other words playboy, we’re gonna keep a low profile until we get the kinks out. So give us until about February and then we’ll be purrin’ like a kitten. Stop me when I start lyin’!

Playas Thesaurus: 

1) Spit: verb – to say

2) Homies: noun – friends

3) Ludacris: noun – Atlanta based rapper that runs a record company called Disturbing Tha Peace.

4) Dun: noun – the person in question, dude, guy, etc. It’s whoever I’m talkin’ about and its non-gender specific.

5) G: noun – a gangsta

6) Second and third car loads: noun – their bench bruh! Keep up playa you’re slowin’ me down.

7) Put it where the goats can get it: verb phrase – to make it as elementary as possible. To put it at ground level so everyone can understand it.

8) Geto Boys: noun – Texas based rap group.



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