The Jay Graves Report

RGIII’s Heisman photo told us he WOULDN’T make it as a pro! “Hard Headed”

"I'm not cuttin' nothin' bruh!"

Christopher Hicthens, the English author and literary critic, once said, “There are all kinds of stupid people that annoy me but what annoys me most is a lazy argument.” Samuel Goldwyn, the famous Hollywood film producer, gave it to us like this, “Give me a smart idiot over a stupid genius any day.” Voltaire, the 17th century writer and philosopher, shut the buildin’ down when he spit some serious fire with, “To succeed in the world it is not enough to be stupid, you must also be well-mannered.”

Well playas…ole RGIII must be followin’ Voltaire’s advice to the freakin’ letter because he’s definitely stupid, well-mannered and add hard headed to the list. On Sunday the dun did what boyz have been beggin’ him not to do ever since he set foot in the NFL. Stop tryin’ to outrun these monsters on defense. This ain’t college football, this ain’t the Big 12 and this sure ain’t Baylor playboy!!! Now the dun has been placed on Cleveland’s injured reserve and it looks like he may even miss the entire season. He keeps gettin’ banged up because he won’t listen to the freakin’ coaches and nobody around him when it comes to runnin’ out of bounds and not takin’ unnecessary hits. However, because he’s hard headed by nature he keeps ended up hurt and sittin’ on the sideline watchin’ more game than he actually plays in.

Let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1st! On the mornin’ after RGIII won the Heisman Trophy I wrote a Hot Joint entitled “Immortalized” tellin’ all of you cats why he was hard headed and wouldn’t succeed at the next level but you wouldn’t listen. The fact that he showed up to win the Heisman Trophy Ceremony with those freakin’ plats in his head told me everything that I needed to know about him.

Now you and everybody’s baby’s momma’s momma, Ms. Jackson, knows that if nothin’ else, Big Momma pulled that dun to the side a week before the Heisman Trophy Ceremony and told him to cut them darn plats out of his head (and that’s the edited version) because his picture would be immortalized. She said, “Baby…you don’t wanna look like that on that picture forever. So you need to cut yo hair. Everybody at the church gone be watchin’ so don’t embarrass me.”  But he did it anyway. Why? Because he’s hard headed.

He had PLATS bruh! Not corn rolls! Not dreads! Not a freakin’ Jheri Curl! HE HAD SOME COUNTRY BAMA PLATS! NOBODY WEARS PLATS ANYWHERE BRUH!!! That’s some ole back water type-foolishness! So for him to fly to New York City to accept the Heisman Trophy with plats in his head told me that he would struggle in the NFL because he has a problem takin’ advice from people that know more than he does. And low and behold here we are. That dun is hurt again because he won’t do what? Listen!!

He won’t listen to folks that are tryin’ to tell him what’s best for him. If he wouldn’t listen to Big Momma, he’s not listenin’ to ANYBODY else and that’s the reason why his shoulder is all jacked up today. That’s the reason why he can’t finish a darn season.

This fool doesn’t even have the self-awareness to realize that he’s playin’ in the same league as Tom Brady, Russell Wilson, Drew Breeze, Aaron Rogers, Big Ben, etc. He won’t simply watch what they are doin’ when a boy is covered. Russell Wilson will try to run that joint but when a boy starts closin’ in he’s gettin’ rid of the rock to live another play.

Bruh!!! Runnin’ without slidin’ will shorten your career.

He hasn’t listened to any of the coaches he’s had since he walked into the league and that’s why we’re here today. He finally listened to somebody about cuttin’ those darn plats off and he showed up Sunday with a dusty bun on top of his head. Again, that dun ain’t listenin’!!! Because you know EVERYBODY that saw him step out of the crib with that bun told him to cut that joint off too. But naw bruh, he showed up anyway and got the snot knocked out of him and now his season is potentially over.  What did the old timers always say? “A hard head makes for a soft bottom.” Stop me when I start lyin’!

Playas Thesaurus:   

1) Spit: verb – to say
2) Fire: noun – important information
3) Dun: noun – the person in question, dude, guy, etc.
4) Wheredeydodatat: Hood for “Who does that?”
5) Bill Co.: noun – my homeboy back in Gary, In. that has the hottest barber shop in the area.
6) G: noun – Gary, In. 
The caption under the photo isn’t real but its REAL talk!