The Jay Graves Report

LeBron and Co. drags Boston in front of Big Momma! “Hurry Up Bruh”

"Y'all know what it is bruh!"

Edgar Allen Poe once said, “Words have no power to impress the mind without the exquisite horror of their reality.” Albert Einstein broke it down like this, “Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.” Then Lao Tzu put it where the goats could get it when he spit, “Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don’t resist them – that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.”

Well playas…the reality is, LeBron and the Cavs beat the dog snot out of Boston on Friday night 130-86! The Celtics should officially be disqualified from the participatin’ in all NBA activities for at least two seasons for lettin’ a boy drag them up and down the floor like that for 48 minutes.

The Cavs jumped out of the whip on the road and pimp slapped a boy in front of Big Momma, Uncle Jun and Ray-Ray nem and dared him to swing back!! Incredible bruh!

But I’ve been tellin’ you boyz since the playoffs started that it was a serious problem when your best player is 5’9″! The Cavs had already beaten these cats 3-1 durin’ the regular season when they were still tryin’ to figure out their second unit. Now it’s a serious problem.

Let’s it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1st! LeBron is the catalyst for all of this foolishness! The dun has taken the worse team in the league to the top! That’s Nuts!!! When he left Cleveland they became the worse team in the league for four straight years! Don’t act you don’t remember them draftin’ Kyrie, Anthony Bennett and Andrew Wiggins with No.1 overall picks!! Now the Cavs are sittin’ on top of the NBA simply because of that Philistine.

Not only did they beat the brakes off of Boston on the road but they set an NBA playoff record with a 41-point halftime lead. They set a franchise record for points scored and they set an NBA playoff record for consecutive wins with 13!!

The Cavs sat their starters the entire fourth quarter and still beat these cats by 44!!!! Stop it! Quit tellin’ me that LeBron doesn’t make his teammates better!!

He’s made duns like Iman Shumpert and JR Smith tradeable for real basketball players now! Stop actin’ like you don’t remember that the Knicks traded them both in January of 2015 for a single second round pick in 2019!! That’s for a cat that was in the eight grade at the time of the trade and has yet to graduate high school!! Stop it!!

Cleveland has put that thang of lil’ Zeke to the point where he doesn’t want any part of this foolishness anymore bruh. He scored two points in the first half and they were from the free throw line!! He was goose eggs from the field and from three before not playin’ the second half with an injury.

It got so bad out there that boyz started tryin’ to sneak in the house but Big Momma wasn’t havin’ it. Y’all know the drill and Big Momma’s exact words too. “You better get back out there and fight him or you gone have to fight me!” So boyz had no choice but to take that beaten.

Everybody and their baby’s momma, includin’ me, was pissed at the Cavs for restin’ players durin’ the regular season but they knew exactly what they were doin’ bruh. Outside of Bill Russell (1959-66), nobody has gone to 7 straight Finals and Bill went to 8 straight. So LeBron knows better than any of the playa hatin’ analysts, former players included, on what it takes to prepare for the long haul of the playoffs and gettin’ to June healthy.

This is what that foolishness looks like and you can’t hate on it. He finished the evenin’ with 30 points, 7 assists and 4 rebounds without even playin’ the final period. Kevin Love dropped off a solid 21 points and 12 rebounds while Kyrie threw 23 in the hat for good measure.

I keep tellin’ you boyz that the only way you’re goin’ to slow that Philistine down is to show up with 5 smooth stones and a sling shot. So let’s hurry up and get this nonsense over with so we can see what we came to see, Golden State and Cleveland. Stop me when I start lyin’!

Playas Thesaurus: 

1) Spit: verb – to say

2) Dun: noun – the person in question, dude, guy, etc. It’s whoever I’m talkin’ about and its non-gender specific.

3) Put it where the goats can get it: verb phrase – to make it as elementary as possible. To put it at ground level so everyone can understand it.

4) Whip: noun – luxury vehicle

The G is excluded from the endings of all words because the G is near and dear to my heart because I’m from “The G” which is Gary, Indiana. So I only use the G when I’m talkin’ about “The G!”

The caption under the photo isn’t real but its real talk!