SANTA CLARA — There haven’t been very many national championships that EVERYBODY’S enjoyed watching. However, on Monday night I can safely say that EVERYBODY and their baby’s momma, Uncle LeRoy and Aunt Betty enjoyed watching Clemson beat the dog snot out of Alabama. Now I’m not going to lie, I thought Bama would show up and win it because that’s just what they’ve been doing for the past decade under Nick Saban.
They’ve won five national titles since 2009 under Nick and was looking for back-to-back joints on Monday night. The neighborhood bully was back on the block taking boy’z lunch money and ole Dabo Swinney and Co. said that enough was enough. After exchanging body blows in the first quarter with Bama leading it 14-16. Clemson went and got Big Momma’s brass knuckles and proceeded to put up 31 unanswered on a boy as they literally drug Nick Saban and Co. all over the Bay Area.
They took them to Too Short’s crib then over to MC Hammer’s pool party. Stopped and got lunch before going over to the Luniz to put five on it. Hollered at E-40, Suga T and G Easy before picking up B-Legit and Richie Rich. They got gas and then swooped up Mac Mall and Spice1. Drove through Tupac’s old hood before saying what’s up to Celly Cell, Yukmouth and Dru Down. They literally drug Bama into every square inch of the Bay Area until the time ran off of the clock.
When the smoke cleared everybody outside of the state of Alabama was dancing in the streets like the Munchkins in the Wizard of Oz when the wicked witch of the West was killed. Clemson had on the red slippers at the end and they even did a Suge Knight impersonation at the end!!!
Duns literally took the mic and said, “For any players out there that wanna see their head coach all up in the locker room dancing after the game! Come to Death Valley!” A spin off of Suge Knight’s words at the 1995 Source Awards when he blasted Puffy for dancing all in his artist’s videos.
I will say that it was great to see Alabama get blasted not because of how good they’ve been but because of how obnoxious their fan base has become. Nobody cares that they’re winning like crazy because they’ve had the best players. It’s college football and the rich keeps getting richer. It’s not like the NFL when you win the Super Bowl and you’ve got to pick last in the upcoming draft.
Naw playa, the best kids coming out of high school get to pick and choose where they get to play. So they just keep re-tooling with some of the best talent in America. Nobody’s trippin’ off of that. What boyz enjoyed on Monday night was watching the timelines go silent because Bama fans were hiding like Chicken Little and the sky was falling because of all the trash they’ve been talking for years.
Let me put it where the goats can get it. What did Big Momma always tell you? What goes around comes around playa!!! You can’t be out here talking crazy to boyz and expect it not to come knocking on your door at some point. It was the NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP and everybody in the country was watching. There were no other games on and Clemson took your boyz out in the middle of the street and dog walked them in front of everybody you’ve been spitting on for the past few years.
You were out there looking like Alonzo Harris (Denzel in Training Day) getting the brakes beaten off of him at the end by his partner. You were literally looking for somebody to step in and stop this foolishness but everybody just came out to watch you suffer the humiliation of Clemson sticking both feet up your butt and it was great.
I’m going to have a watch party again tonight to watch that beating. Yep, the next time you get on a roll just enjoy it and keep your mouth closed then at least boyz won’t be trolling you after the game. In my Kendrick Lamar voice, “Next time be humble.” Stop me when I start lyin’!
Playas Thesaurus:
1) Spit: verb – to say
2) Dun: noun – the person in question, dude, guy, etc. It’s whoever I’m talkin’ about and its non-gender specific.
3) Put it where the goats can get it: verb phrase – to make it as elementary as possible. To put it at ground level so everyone can understand it