The Jay Graves Report

Usin’ Basic G Math Penn State should get in! “Hood Protocol”

"Heads up playa!"

William E. Gladstone, the former Prime Minister of Great Britain once said, “Men are apt to mistake the strength of their feeling for the strength of their argument. The heated mind resents the chill touch and relentless scrutiny of logic.” Margaret Heffernan, the international businesswoman, gave it to us like this, “For good ideas and true innovation, you need human interaction, conflict, argument, debate.” Then Dale Carnegie, the motivational speaker, broke it down like a playa at pimp convention when he spit, “The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.”

Well playas…if you’re a college football fan this mornin’ you can’t avoid the many arguments that went on through the night and into this mornin’! Everybody and their baby’s momma’s momma, Ms. Jackson, has a reason why at least six different teams should get into a ride only built for four. We can’t ghetto pack the ride with 5 or 6 bruh! Only 4 can ride and that’s it.

So lets keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1st! We all know that Bama is drivin’ the joint no questions asked. They are the only undefeated team in America. And if you say a freakin’ word about Western Michigan I’m firin’ on you for even speakin’! They play in the darn MAC and will get their doors blown off in the Cotton Bowl whoever shows up to play them. Stop it!

There’s no question or debate about ole dull Clemson even though I don’t think they are as good as advertised. However, they took care of business all year long survivin’ with only one loss! They won the ACC, so havin’ the conference championship under their belts they get to ride shot gun and even get to hold the joint if they want to.

Now were lookin’ at puttin’ the other two cats in the back seat. Washington made their case on Friday by beatin’ the brakes off of Colorado in the PAC-12 Championship Game! They finished the season 12-1 and holdin’ the PAC-12 Conference Championship trophy. You’d be a fool to tell them that they can’t ride to Big Momma’s house with the fellas.

The final spot goes to the cat that proves that they were a straight up G playin’ in the best conference in college football this year. The freakin’ Big Ten! But which one of these cats is the lone G standin’? Michigan, Ohio State or Penn State! Well, like the G’s used to say back in the hood. “Y’all gotta fight heads up and none of you’re boyz can jump in it.” Unfortunately, Michigan, Ohio State and Penn State all played in the Big Ten East!! That’s what it is.

Michigan jumped all over Penn State in the alley behind Lil’ Ms. Johnson’s house on September 24 and beat the brakes off of them by 39 points!! Penn State shook the dirt off and lured Ohio State up to Happy Valley on October 22nd and sucker punched them comin’ out of Fat Daddy’s Convenience Store and beat them by 3 points on a dull field goal as time expired. Then Ohio State invited the Wolverines down to Columbus for the annual Real G’s BBQ and caught boy stumblin’ in overtime and beat them by 3 points.

So because Michigan has two losses in conference play because they wet the bed up in Iowa City. By simple hood math they sit behind both Penn State and Ohio State in conference play. Why? Because they only have one loss apiece.

The heads up G fight puts Penn State ahead of Ohio State in the conference. Therefore, Penn State got to play for the conference title in Naptown on Saturday night. They beat Wisconsin in a dog fight to win the Championship! Followin’ Ghetto Protocol Rule 10, Article 5, Section 3 Penn State gets in the ride with the fellas! And yes, I realize that Penn State has a dull loss to Pitt but they won the best conference in football and they beat Ohio State. The G Code say they get it. Heads Up is Heads Up!

Now if the committee puts Ohio State in, which I think that they will, it further proves my point that you need some ghetto dwellers on the committee. Why? Because fightin’ heads up is a right of passage where I’m from and you can’t run the hood takin’ “L’s!” So in my opinion it should be: 1) Alabama, 2) Washington, 3) Clemson and 4) Penn State! Basic G math!! Stop me when I start lyin’!

Playas Thesaurus: 

1) Spit: verb – to say

2) Dun: noun – the person in question, dude, guy, etc. It’s whoever I’m talkin’ about and its non-gender specific.

3) Ms. Jackson: noun – rap song by OutKast

4) Ghetto Pack: verb – to put more people into the car than seat belts.

5) Fire on: verb – to hit a boy before he even realizes that he’s been hit.

6) G: noun – gangsta