The Jay Graves Report

Branden Alberts got caught in his feelings, retired and now wants back in! “Countin’ Money”

"What chu talkin' bout Willis?" Photo: NBC Sports

One of my good friends, Royce Bradley, has been sayin’ for years that “Life is a thinkin’ man’s game!”  Well playas…offensive tackle Branden Albert obviously didn’t think things through last week when he decided to retire from the Jacksonville Jaguars. Why? Because now the dun wants to come back. Ole boy abruptly retired three days into camp with two years left on his contract. In 2014 the Dolphins gave him a $8.5 million signin’ bonus and he had two years left on the current deal. When the dun retired Miami had the option of pursuin’ $3.4 million of that pro-rated bonus. Now he was scheduled to make $8.8 million in 2017 and $9.5 million in 2018.

Let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1st! Ole boy got to the crib and realized that he left too much bread on the table bruh. He’s 32 years old and figured out that he’s gotta live the rest of his life without $18.3 million that he’s already earned. So in essence, the dun took bread off of the table that was already his because he got caught in his feelings.

Here’s the deal bruh, the Jaguars traded their 2018 seventh round pick for Albert back in March. However, they drafted Cam Robinson in the first round to play the same position. Albert didn’t attend the Jaguars offseason conditionin’ program and dissed all of the organized team activities because he wanted a new contract.

Hold on a second dawg!! How do you think you’re goin’ to get a new contract when they traded a seventh round pick for yo butt? They’re already about to pay you $18.3 million for the next two seasons. They could have gotten 30 seventh round picks for that type of bread. C’mon bruh think! What are you on?

So when the Jags show up to camp Albert takes the first team reps the first day of camp but then they put their first rounder, Cam Robinson, in to take the first team reps the next two days. All of a sudden Albert decides to retire. Funny how that work huh? The dun was so into his feelings that he forgot all about his bread.

Now that he’s had time to cool off and count the bread in his accounts it’s ain’t so bad havin’ to sit on the bench and collect darn near $19 million. The only problem is, the Jags ain’t tryin’ to play with him now bruh. Accordin’ to my mans and nem they can obviously count too. So they are UNLIKELY to let that dun back on the bus. Warnin’ to all cats that are known to get emotional and make decisions. DON’T!!! Stop me when I start lyin’!

Playas Thesaurus: 

1) Dun: noun – the person in question, dude, guy, etc. It’s whoever I’m talkin’ about and its non-gender specific.

2)  Ole Boy: noun – the person that I’m currently talkin’ about.

The G is excluded from the endings of all words because the G is near and dear to my heart because I’m from “The G” which is Gary, Indiana. So I only use the G when I’m talkin’ about “The G!”

The caption under the photo isn’t real but its real talk!