The Jay Graves Report

Why the NFL NEEDS more cats to celebrate like Zeke Elliott! “REAL TALK”

In my Fat Joe voice, "I'm all the way up! Nothin' can stop me! I'm all the way up!"

Damien Rice, the Irish song-writer, once said, “A kite needs to be tied down in order to fly. I learned how important restrictions can sometimes be in order to experience freedom.” Kelley Armstrong, the Canadian writer, broke it down like this, “Young writers need to be encouraged to write – just write – with no restrictions on form, style or content.” Then David Blaine, the magician, put it where the goats could get it when he spit, “In truth, the only restrictions on our capacity to astonish ourselves and each other are imposed by our own minds.”

Well playas…that’s simply not true when it comes to the dull NFL. The only restrictions on our capacity to astonish ourselves and each other are imposed by the league keepin’ boyz from havin’ fun. On Sunday night Cowboys rookie sensation Ezekiel Elliott broke Tony Dorsett’s rookie touchdown record with his 13th score. So to celebrate, my man jumped into the oversized Salvation Army kettle that was sittin’ in the back of the end zone. Of course the dull refs hit him with a 15 yard unsportsmanlike conduct penalty.

Let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1st! It’s called playin’ a darn GAME and havin’ fun bruh!! It’s called entertainment!!! Stop with this foolishness! These tight wads kill me worryin’ about the feelings of the darn defense. These are grown men playin’ this game!!

On some real talk, the only cats offended by a boy celebratin’ after a touchdown are some old farts that didn’t grow up playin’ sports in the ghetto or anywhere near urban America!! The league is more than 70 percent black so I can only speak for the duns that look like me. And more than 60 percent of that 70 percent grew up in somebody’s hood or somewhere in urban America. In every hood in America boyz are talkin’ trash and celebratin’ scores, dunks, three point shots etc. It’s part of the darn culture of bein’ black. We love to show out and have fun durin’ competition. It makes playin’ sports and competing fun.

Have you ever sat around a card table on a Friday or Saturday night in a black household? If you’re sensitive don’t play cards because boyz are talkin’ a million dollars worth of trash, stickin’ cards on their foreheads and slammin’ the joints on the table so hard that the table breaks from time to time. And please don’t play dominoes!!! It’s called havin’ fun at the expense of the dun on the losin’ end. It is what it is!!

Wasn’t the NFL just complainin’ and tryin’ to figure out why the ratings were down? It’s because they’re takin’ the fun out of the game. Nobody wants to see a boy score a touchdown and give the ball back to the ref! That’s stupid. Then you hear these stiff suburban-type cats on the broadcast sayin’, “Act like you’ve been there before.”

That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard. “Act like you’ve been there before?” Even if you have been there 100 times it’s a freakin’ touchdown!! You’ve prepared all week to get there and by gettin’ there you put points on the board for your team. It’s worth the celebration. The dun that came up with that stupid comment has obviously NEVER played sports before in his freakin’ life.

Playin’ at ANY level there is a rush or high that comes over you when you score points in competition. Will somebody please tell me what’s wrong with celebratin’ on a boy when you score? Here’s the stiff wad again, “You’re taunting the other team. You make them feel bad when you do that.”  

That’s the WHOLE point bruh!! To get inside his head to throw him off of his game so that you can win the game! Do you think for one minute that Deion Sanders was tryin’ NOT to make a boy feel bad when he would be 30 yards out high steppin’ and puttin’ his hand behind his head showin’ the dun the ball? Of course he was!!

When T.O. pulled the Sharpie out of his socks and signed the ball he was tryin’ to make a boy feel stupid for not bein’ able to keep him out of the end zone. When Billy “White Shoes” Johnson did the crazy legs back in the ’70’s his intent was to show up the other team. It’s no secret what boyz are tryin’ to do. AND they’re playin’ a freakin’ game! IT’S ENTERTAINMENT BRUH!!!

I say jump into the kettle every time you score Zeke! It’s great for the charitable contributions for the Salvation Army. Every time you score donate some bread to them and make the Cowboys double it. It’s great for everybody.

Keep doin’ what you do playboy. Maybe if more cats went out on a limb and celebrated people would care more about watchin’ the dull and borin’ NFL. Stop me when I start lyin’!

Playas Thesaurus: 

1) Spit: verb – to say

2) Dun: noun – the person in question, dude, guy, etc. It’s whoever I’m talkin’ about and its non-gender specific.

3) Put it where the goats can get it: verb phrase – to make it as elementary as possible. To put it at ground level so everyone can understand it.