The Jay Graves Report

Why the Celtics will be lucky to win ONE game in the Eastern Conference Finals! “Lab Rats”

"You know it's about to me a problem up in this piece right?" Photo: CBS Sports

It’s about to be Chris Brown up in this piece bruh! “On and Poppin’!” Somebody finally decided to be the lab rat for the Cleveland Cavaliers to experiment on in the Eastern Conference Finals. The Boston Celtics got rid of the Wizards 115-105 on Monday night. Now it goes down startin’ Wednesday night in Bean Town.

The No.1 seeded Celtics will have home court advantage goin’ into this thing so the Cavs will be on the road for Games 1 and 2. Give Brad Stevens big props for turnin’ the Celtics’ franchise around in such a short period of time. He’s got these boyz rollin’ but he’s about to hit a brick wall with no seat belt or crash helmet.

Let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1st! Boston survived this foolishness on the strength of Rajon Rondo gettin’ hurt in the openin’ round bruh. With ole boy on the floor the Bulls were about to blast the Celtics. Chicago had them down 2-0 ready to dog walk them but Rondo goin’ down became a blessin’ for them. Playin’ in the Eastern Conference semi-finals against Washington was a pretty evenly matched series.

Durin’ the regular season and in the playoffs the home team always won the game. So havin’ home court advantage made all of the difference in the world when this series went to Game 7. Now like boyz used to say in The G, “You gotta un-hance them sneakers bruh!”  That Philistine and Co, has been sittin’ in the cut for the past week and a half lickin’ their chops and it’s about to be a problem.

Evenly matched? It’s not even close bruh!! The Cavs have dog walked these boyz this year goin’ 3-1 in the regular season and they weren’t even playin’ well at the time. Like I’ve been sayin’ all season long, “You’ve got problems when your best player is 5’8″ bruh!”   

Kyrie is 6’3″ and is a better player off of the dribble not that John Wall wasn’t a beat but there was only one cat that could do what John Wall could do out there. Even though Darrin Williams is not what he used to be he’s 6’4″ and can create problems defensively for a dun 5’8″. What do I mean by that bruh? A cat 5’8″ can’t see the floor when a boy 5, 6 , 7 inches taller than he is can keep up with him. You do realize that cats like J.R. Smith can slide over and guard him in a pinch too right? They’ll be double and triple teamin’ him all series long and if he can’t see the floor he’s goin’ to turn the rock over and that’s easy buckets goin’ the other way.

I guess y’all wanna act like you don’t remember Derrick Rose winnin’ the MVP in 2011 takin’ the Bulls to the Eastern Conference Finals after winnin’ 60 games and gettin’ broke off. They won Game 1 in a blowout by 21 points and boyz were feelin’ good. Then LeBron leaned on that dun for the remainder of the series and shut him down completely. I’m not talkin’ about the Derrick Rose that we see today playa. Naw bruh, I’m talkin’ about the Derrick Rose that was at the top of his game.

That Philistine is the secret weapon that’s not so secret! Everybody and their baby’s momma knows that he’s goin’ to float from position to position all night and there’s nothin’ that can be done about it.

So it’s been a good run for the Celtics up to this point but they need to send Rondo a thank you card before this thing gets ugly. “Thank you sir for allowin’ us to get this far. Our fans really appreciate your love and dedication to the Boston community and the next time you’re in town drinks are on us.”  

At the level the Cavs are playin’ right now Boston will be lucky to win one game in this series. The only shot they’ve got of winnin’ one is in Game 1 because they’re still in a rhythm from playin’ on Monday. The Cavs have been sittin’ for more than a week and that may hurt them in openin’ game. But then again it may not.

If the Cavs show no signs of rust in Game 1 they’ll sweep these duns. I’m just sayin’ and stop me when I start lyin’!

Playas Thesaurus: 

1) Dun: noun – the person in question, dude, guy, etc. It’s whoever I’m talkin’ about and its non-gender specific.

2) The G: noun – Gary, Indiana

The G is excluded from the endings of all words because the G is near and dear to my heart because I’m from “The G” which is Gary, Indiana. So I only use the G when I’m talkin’ about “The G!”

The caption under the photo isn’t real but its real talk!