The Jay Graves Report

Why Michael Irvin needs a Good Old Fashioned Big Momma butt whoopin’! “C’mon bruh”

Photo: TMZ

Orson Welles once said, “I’ve spent most of my mature life trying to prove that I’m not irresponsible.”  Well playas…he must have been talkin’ about Michael Irvin too but that dun keeps failin’ the tests. On Wednesday TMZ reported that ole boy is now under investigation for allegedly sexually assaultin’ a woman last week in a Fort Lauderdale hotel.

Accordin’ to reports the dun, who is from Fort Lauderdale, was in town for his grandmother’s 90th birthday party and to see his nieces and nephews run in a track meet. A 27 year old cosmetologist told police that she was out with Irvin at a bar until about 4:30 in the mornin’. They go back to his hotel where she remembers nothin’ the next mornin’. When she gets up he’s about to dip to catch an early flight.

She takes an Uber back to the crib and called 911 at about 7:20am. She tells them that she thinks she’s been raped and they tell her to go to a medical lab and get a swab and blood test. Accordin’ to her, she texts ole boy and asked him if they had sex. He responds that he would never do anything to hurt her.

Now his side of the story is obviously different. He tells a boy that he was at the bar with a bunch of people and her. She followed him back to the hotel, hung out for about 15 minutes with another cat in the room with them,  nothin’ happened and she dipped. He says that she texted him later the next day and said, “Come for a facial when you get back to Ft. Lauderdale.”

Now let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1st! There are always three sides to the story playboy. His, hers and somewhere in the middle of the foolishness is the truth. Neither one of them are makin’ too much sense but that’s up to the dun investigatin’ this foolishness to figure out.

My thoughts go back to the dun accused. Michael Irvin is a 51 year old married man with a job and previous baggage. Why are you even caught up in this foolishness in the first place bruh? You’re too darn old for this ignorance. And that’s the edited version. I don’t know what happened in that room and nobody else for that matter knows either. The only two that know the truth is Mike and ole girl.

However, neither story makes any sense but that’s beside the point. He has a wife that he’s been with for 27 years and a great job that he’s jeopardizin’ gettin’ caught up with some random woman. Why were you there in the first place bruh?

He’s already been given a second chance when he was caught up on the drugs in the car incident when he was workin’ for ESPN. Then NFL Network has taken a chance on a boy. Now this?

Even if it turns out to be untrue, he’s provin’ to boyz once again that he doesn’t make good decisions. That’s why Warren Sap is sittin’ at the crib right now. Remember when the dun was wrestlin’ with the prostitues over the price while he was at the Super Bowl workin’?  They fired him for not makin’ good decisions and embarrassin’ the network and the league. If you’ve got to have it then pay for it and go on about your business. That’s just if you just have to have it bruh but to take unnecessary risks at 51 years old makes no sense. Go somewhere and sit down.

When these cats were playin’ ball they were the best in the world at what they did. So they could do dumb stuff and pretty much get away with it. Why? Because boyz couldn’t just walk out on the street and find another cat to replace them because they had DNA that NOBODY else possessed.

Well playboy, there are hundreds of cats that can talk sports and break down this foolishness that you’re doin’ everyday. So guess what pimpin’? They don’t really need to keep you around if you’re goin’ to embarrass the network and the league. Stop me when I start lyin’!

Playas Thesaurus: 

1) Dun: noun – the person in question, dude, guy, etc. It’s whoever I’m talkin’ about and its non-gender specific.

2) Dip: verb – to leave

3) Ole boy: noun – the male in the story, the dude that I’m talkin’ about

4) Ole girl: noun – the female in the story, the woman that I’m talkin’ about

5) Pimpin’: noun – the person that I’m passionately tryin’ to get my point across to.