The Jay Graves Report

Why Grown Men Shouldn’t Wear Jerseys EVER! “Man Law”

These dude here bruh!

Ninety percent of reality is perception. There’s no sense in arguin’ with that statement. It is what it is playboy! Since everybody is reppin’ their teams because we’re in full tilt NFL season. Let me holla at all of the grown men out there that think it’s OK to put on another grown man’s jersey! Bruh, under no circumstances is it permissible! Let’s put that on the table right out of the gate. I know that you grew up seein’ other men wearin’ them but they didn’t know any better. It’s like the blind leadin’ the blind at this point.

Grown men need to look like grown men even at the game playa. Let me be specific so there’s no confusion in who I’m talkin’ about. I’m speakin’ to two sets of individuals. Those cats that are at least thirty years old and those that have children that are at least ten years old. I need to be specific because boyz will be standin’ around talkin’ about, “He ain’t talkin’ to me!” Cats less than thirty without kids are still tryin’ to figure out who and what they wanna be so I’ll give them a pass. Let’s be honest that’s a very small club anyway.

A man that’s at least thirty is what the ole timers call “A Fully Grown Man.” Regardless of whether he has children or not, it isn’t permissible for him to walk around lookin’ like a child. A man with children that are at least ten years old shouldn’t leave the house dressed like his kids regardless of his age. While we’re at it let’s throw in the flat bib baseball hats and the saggin’ pants too.

I’m not sayin’ that a grown man can’t represent his favorite team. However, that’s why they make team apparel like dry fit polo’s, T-shirts, jogging suits etc. It’s definitely OK to put on your team logo baseball cap as well. Just not the flat bib joint bruh. Here’s why this is so important to understand. Once you become a grown man, you have to assume the look of a grown man even on game day bruh. You can’t leave the crib lookin’ like you’re on your way to high school bruh. I’ve got a 19 year old son in college that won’t even put on a jersey bruh. Why? Because he even understands that you look like a groupie in it.

Although that look can be very fashionable and sometimes impressive but it’s childish to say the least. I’m speakin’ specifically about the hats, jerseys and matchin’ sneakers. My son used to rock that type of gear! If I walk around lookin’ like a kid (even on game day) people won’t take me seriously. I am somebody’s father, so therefore, I’ve got to look like a father. I can’t afford to look like one of my son’s boyz and we’re hangin’ out in the same places. If you and your son leave the crib rockin’ the same gear ya’ll look like you’re about to holla at the same chicks!

I think back to how embarrassin’ would it have been when I was growin’ up if my dad were rockin’ the same gear that my friends and I were wearin’. What if I were in the basement with my boyz back in ’83 and we were rockin’ the shell toe Adidas, Kangols, dookie ropes and my ole man came downstairs with them joints on? How crazy would he look bruh and how dumb would I feel?

I hear my roof top screamer sayin’, “Well I don’t have kids so I’m good bruh”.

Let’s keep it real or all the way 100, which ever comes 1st. If you’re freakin’ Cam Newton’s age with his jersey on you look like a groupie even if you‘re at the game pimpin’. Think about this… you could potentially show up in the same places he hangs out, like restaurants or night clubs etc. Let’s say you’re standin’ at the bar orderin’ a drink and he walks up to order one too. How stupid do you look? Even though he’s makin’ money off of you he’s shakin’ his head. See it’s somewhat OK for a professional athlete to wear one of his boy’s jerseys because they’re on the same level. I still have a problem with it but it’s cool. However, the regular guy looks like a groupie.

Let me put it where the goats could get it.I’ve got several friends that have played professional sports includin’ basketball, football and baseball. They’re all retired now but it wasn’t uncommon for them to think that people that wore jerseys looked stupid. You can’t be a grown man wearin’ another man’s name of your back. I equate the guy that puts on another man’s jersey to a woman that puts on her man’s shirt after sex and walks around the house smellin’ it.

As much as I liked Eric Dickerson when I was in high school. There is NO WAY I would have put on his jersey, even when I was eighteen years old for those same reasons. Maybe because I was an athlete and it just seemed silly to me to rock another cats jersey.

Lastly, what kind of grown woman wants to show up somewhere with a child dressed up like a grown man. Ya’ll catch that one later. If your hangin’ out with women that don’t mind you wearing jerseys. Then they’re probably dressed up like their teenaged daughters and you guys are meant for one another. Stop me when I start lyin’!

Playas Thesaurus: 

1) Spit: verb – to say

2) Dun: noun – the person in question, dude, guy, etc. It’s whoever I’m talkin’ about and its non-gender specific.

3) Put it where the goats can get it: verb phrase – to make it as elementary as possible. To put it at ground level so everyone can understand it.