The Jay Graves Report

Why D Rose must have gotten a serious contact from Wiz Khalifa! “Gone Bruh”

Conan O’Brien once said, “When all else fails there’s always delusion.” Carl Sagan, the astronomer, gave it to us like this, “For me, it is far better to grasp the Universe as it really is than to persist in delusion, however satisfying and reassuring.” Then Richard Dawkins, the ethologist and author, broke it down like a playa at a pimp convention when he spit, “A delusion is something that people believe in despite a total lack of evidence.” 

Well playas…Derrick Rose must be livin’ in a delusional house on a delusional street on a delusional planet because that dun is believin’ in Extra-Terrestrials, Umpa Lumpa’s and Sheneneh Jenkins goin’ to reform school. This cat recently did an interview with NBA.com and literally said out of his OWN mouth usin’ his OWN tongue that boyz are puttin’ the Knicks in the same “Super Team” class as the Golden State Warriors! 

Don’t believe me bruh, read what this dun said, With these teams right now, they’re saying us and Golden State are the super teams, and they’re trying not to build that many super teams, and [commissioner] Adam Silver came out with the statement and this and that.” 


Now let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1st! D. Rose must have taken the bus to New York City and they had that dun sittin’ too close to the exhaust pipe or sittin’ with Snoop, Wiz Khalifa and Pookie from New Jack City. Super Team???!!! He must have woken up thinkin’ that it was 2010 or something. The Knicks roster would be a monster if it was 5 or 6 years ago bruh! And they still wouldn’t be in the same class as Golden State!! 

The Warriors won 73 games last year and went to the NBA Finals! They won the Ship the year before!!! What is this dun talkin’ about? He’s sounds like he’s butt naked and foamin’ at the mouth standin’ out on Fifth Avenue tryin’ to catch a cab!!! Not only did Golden State do all of that but they’ve just signed Kevin Durant who’s arguably one of there top 3 or 4 players in the world!!! RIGHT NOW!! 

Rose is so high that he thinks that Magic City is a party supply store! All that dun did was look at the roster and saw the names. Melo, D. Rose, Joakim Noah, Kristaps Porzingis etc. But it’s 2016 bruh!! Ain’t but one of those cats still young and viable. You’ve got to call Marty McFly and get into a time machine to get the other three cats ready to hoop. And Melo, excuse my grammar,  “Still AIN’T gone to play NO defense! “

Tape D. Rose’s mouth shut before he starts sellin’ tickets to the Finals next year because he’s lost his freakin’ mind. Stop me when I start lyin’! 

Playas Thesaurus: 

1) Spit: verb – to say 

2) Dun: noun – the person in question, dude, guy, etc. It’s whoever I’m talkin’ about and its non-gender specific. 

3) Put it where the goats can get it: verb phrase – to make it as elementary as possible. To put it at ground level so everyone can understand it. 

4) Sheneneh Jenkins: noun – character from the sitcom Martin that was the ghetto fabulous neighbor. 

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