The Jay Graves Report

Why College Football Saturday is more EXCITING than NFL Sunday! “NUTS!”

"It don't get no better than this bruh!"

Gloria Steinem, the feminist and journalist, once said, “Without leaps of imagination, or dreaming, we lose the excitement of possibilities. Dreaming, after all, is a form of planning.” William Wordsworth, the English romantic poet, gave it to us like this, “The human mind is capable of excitement without the application of gross and violent stimulants; and he must have a very faint perception of its beauty and dignity who does not know this.” Then Denis Waitley, the motivational speaker, broke it down like a playa at a pimp convention when he spit, “Get excited and enthusiastic about your own dream. This excitement is like a forest fire – you can smell it, taste it, and see it from a mile away.”

Well playas…if you can’t get excited about your own dreams you can darn sure get excited about college football! Like I’ve been sayin’ for years bruh! The NFL may be a better game because the duns playin’ it are more skilled but the college game is 100 times more excitin’! Saturday proved my point once once! Not only did we have my dull alma mater Indiana knock off No.17 Michigan State in overtime but all of the big games were NUTS too! Michigan survives a defensive battle with Wisconsin, Tennessee throws a Hail Mary to beat Georgia as time expires and Clemson holds on to beat Louisville in a thriller in Death Valley!!

Let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1st! You ain’t gettin’ that on a Sunday in the NFL bruh! Every once in a while will you get a boy throw a Hail Mary for a win because the duns playin’ defensive back in the NFL understand that all you’ve got to do is bat the ball down. But the kid in college is tryin’ to catch it and make a name for himself!

Where do we start bruh? Michigan/Wisconsin lived up to the hype in the Big House!! Both defenses brought their lunches and put a boy on notice. And even ole dull Jim Harbaugh was ready to play! That dun had on some khakis and some cleats!! Now what I wanna know is why do you need on cleats to pick boogers and call plays? Wheredeydodat?

Tennessee must be takin’ sleepin’ pills the night before their freakin’ games because they haven’t scored but 3 points in the first half all season but they’ve come from behind and won every one of them. These duns are 5-0!!! How would you like to be a Volunteer fan these mornin’? You’d probably need to see your cardiologist!! Ole Butch Jones has these boyz rollin’ and he even needed to take a knee to Praise the Lord after that foolishness “Between the Hedges!!” You ain’t gettin’ that in the NFL bruh!! If a boy can’t score in the first half every week he’s losin’ most of those game if not all of them.

Now for the big one down in Death Valley!!! First of all, the traditions and pageantry in college football completely set the tone and blow the NFL away!! In the NFL they blow the whistle and kick the darn ball off. No traditions! No fight songs! No pageantry! No nothin’! Just the game and whoever is he better team is 99.99999 percent of the time goin’ to win the darn game. You don’t even have to watch the NFL to know who’s gonna win half the time. That’s why they give you the point spreads instead.

Did you see Clemson come out of their locker room, board buses and literally drive to the other side of the stadium with the joint packed and everybody watchin’ on the jumbo-tron? Only because EVERYBODY’S gotta touch Howard’s Rock, a tradition since the 1930’s!!! It doesn’t get any better than that bruh! I was ready to run down that hill and play for about a play and a half myself.

Let me put it where the goats could get it! Then the game was nuts!!! Who cares who won the joint unless you were from Clemson or Louisville? I just wanted to see a game that was worth the sneak in bruh! You always measure a game by whether it was worth you sneakin’ in and gettin’ caught! If I jump the gate and caught was it worth it! Yes!!!!!

I thought right at the end Lamar Jackson’s age jumped out of the birthday cake on him when it was 4th and 12 and the dun threw it to the flat. His dull receiver headed toward the sideline and made it easy for the Clemson defender to just push him out of bounds. If you’ve only get one play left bruh you’ve got to throw it deep enough to get the first down. Otherwise, you’re dull!! That will come with maturity but he took over the game in the second half and he was worth the sneak in!!

Be on the look out for my HILARIOUS College Football Weekly Recap: Week 5 this afternoon bruh! And stop me when I start lyin’!

Playas Thesaurus: 

1) Spit: verb – to say

2) Dun: noun – the person in question, dude, guy, etc. It’s whoever I’m talkin’ about and its non-gender specific.

3) Put it where the goats can get it: verb phrase – to make it as elementary as possible. To put it at ground level so everyone can understand it.