The Jay Graves Report

Why College Football is more EXCITING than the NFL will EVER be! “The Chess Board”

Who says that we need a playoff in college football? The playoffs start this weekend playboy! It’s the best regular season of any sport on the planet. Do you hear me in my Jim Mora voice, “What’s that? Ah — Playoffs? Don’t talk about — playoffs? You kidding me? Playoffs?  What’s that Bart Scott? “Can’t Wait!” I’ve been bumpin’ that Marvin Gaye all week bruh, “Let’s Get It On!” You know I had to follow up with that T.I. and Jay-Z, “Bring Em Out!” because I’m ready for these boyz come out of the tunnel NOW!!!!!

Well playas…last year was the second year of the 4 team playoff and it was great, I might add! I’ll admit that I thought the committee was gonna be dull and pull the Oaky Doke on a boy but they didn’t! I wasn’t for it initially because I thought that the regular season would be diminished but it was off the chain and it was probably even better lookin’ back on it! Now I will say this, the committee was dull a few times durin’ the season as they were tryin’ to rank boyz ahead of others even though cats like Iowa was still undefeated durin’ the season. I know that Bama was the best team but you can’t rank a boy ahead of a team that’s still undefeated and they’re playin’ in a power 5 conference.

Thank God for the playoff because everybody that was supposed to get a shot got one when it was all said and done! Iowa got beat in the Big Ten title Game so we didn’t have to hear them hollerin’ and screamin’ that they got screwed because everybody like Alabama instead. Michigan State took care of them and then got blasted. So welcome to the 2016 College Football season!!!

Now let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1st! In order for you to be considered a REAL college football fan you have to understand that the game is bigger than just your team bruh. I always trip when I talk to people that call themselves college football fans that only watch their team play. That’s not a college football fan playa. That’s a fan of a particular school and that’s cool but you’re not a REAL fan. If you aren’t posted up on Saturday’s watchin’ everybody play you’re false flaggin’ pimpin’.  It’s a huge chess board and the pieces are constantly movin’. You can’t just focus on what your team is doin’. You’ve got to know what everybody ranked ahead of you is doin’ and those that are ranked below you are doin’ and how their performance every week affects your team.

Yeah, I know that the NFL is the biggest show in this country but it’s not as excitin’ to watch because you can be an NFL fan and only watch your particular team all season long because what EVERYBODY else does doesn’t effect your team for the most part. If the Colts win their division they’re in the playoffs! Period! College football keeps a boy on his or her toes all season because what everybody does shapes the picture down the stretch regardless of what conference they’re in. So you boyz can keep the NFL I’ll sing these fight songs, tailgate and follow the traditions ’til the world blows up.

When you go to an NFL game duns just run out of the tunnel and start playin’! No band, no fight song, no traditions! They just run out and start playin’! That’s like goin’ to church and the pastor just walks up and does the sermon and bounces! No songs, hymns, nobody gettin’ happy or shoutin’ and testifyin’! Nothin’! Just the word and that’s it! Yeah, that’s all you need but the experience is much more satisfyin’ with all of the other stuff goin’ on. I’m just sayin’!

The NFL players are so good that it’s almost predictable. If a boy lines up to kick a 35 yard field goal that joints good 100 percent of the time. No drama! No boy fumblin’ that joint on the goal line! No Hail Mary at the end of the game because boyz are smart enough at the pro level to bat it down. Naw bruh I’m cool on that because I want some drama or like these young cat say, “I’m straight on that!” I want to see a boy throw a pick six with 30 seconds left on the road in a hostile environment.

I wanna see a REAL rivalry game! Ohio State vs. Michigan, Oklahoma vs. Texas, Alabama vs. Auburn, USC vs. Notre Dame! Those are rivalries bruh! Not some made up fan rivalry like the Colts and the Patriots when that’s not a rivalry at all because the freakin’ Patriots OWN the Colts and a dun like Reggie Wayne will actually sign with the Patriots! Why? Because it’s a freakin’ job. Stop it! You sound crazy!

A boy would never leave Texas to play for Oklahoma! A cat wouldn’t in his wildest dreams EVER leave Bama and play for Auburn! Why? Because he’s been bread to hate the other school and everything associate with it. Naw bruh, you can keep the NFL! I’ll only watch it if the TV is on and I’m in the room or just because I have to because I’m TheJayGravesReport but believe me playa, I’m not enjoyin’ it at all.

The Bears vs. Packers?! The duns playin’ in that game could give two dead flies smashed which team they’re on at kickoff as long as the check is deposited when the joint is over. The fans are the only clowns caught up in that “rivalry” foolishness. It’s the NFL bruh! Unless a boy is a free agent, he got traded there or he was drafted. So he could give a rip about your so-called rivalry. In college he chose to hate Bama or Notre Dame etc.

Let me blow your mind NFL fan! If a boy has to come up with something called “Fantasy Football” to keep folks interested it only proves my point. The dun playin’ Fantasy Football isn’t watchin’ the games he’s freakin’ stat watchin’ all day. I rest my case playa! They didn’t have to come up with a silly side game to keep people interested in college football. The traditions, real rivalries and yes the games are enough to keep a boy tuned in.

I don’t know about you but I can smell football season in the air bruh! There’s something about the crisp feel of a Saturday afternoon that gets me fired up and ready to go. If you’re anything like me you’re thinkin’ about tailgatin’, singin’ fight songs and all of the game day traditions that go along with it.

I’m visualizin’ the Sooner Schooner runnin’ out of the tunnel in Norman because I’m a diehard Sooner fan for life. However, that doesn’t keep me from thinkin’ about bein’ on board with the Volunteer Navy singin’ Rocky Top or leanin’ back as “The Victors” win in the “Big House”.  I’m tryin’ to “Wake up the Echo’s” with Touchdown Jesus and thinkin’ about Bevo and the “Eyes of Texas!”  I love listenin’ to Mike the Tiger roar way down in “Death Valley” and watchin’ the Gator’s chomp in the “Swamp!” I keep lookin’ up for the “War Eagle” of Auburn and thinkin’ about lining up “Between the Hedges” and runnin’ with the Dawgs or rollin’ with the Tide in Tuscaloosa. I also love watchin’ the Trojan Horse strut in with the “Men of Troy” and seein’ boyz ridin’ high with Chief Osceola and Renegade at Doak-Campbell. It doesn’t get any better than that! I love all of the Game Day traditions not just those in Norman.

Let me put it where the goats can get it playa, Labor Day Weekend is a national holiday for more than just celebratin’ our nation’s work force! They really need to just put slash College Football on the calendar right next to Labor Day because it’s worth an additional day off to celebrate it. I normally need it for travelin’ or just to prepare the BBQ.  So where ever you’re watchin’ the games from this weekend make sure you get it in because you know that I will! Whatever your fight song is I know you’ll be singin’ that joint for the next couple of days! So from me to you, “Happy College Football Season!”  I would wish you luck but you may be ranked ahead of my Sooners at some point durin’ course of the season so you’re on your own bruh! We can be cool when the season is over but right now I don’t even know your name bruh!!!!

Playas Thesaurus:

1) Dun: noun – the person in question, dude, guy, etc. It’s whoever I’m talkin’ about playa and its non-gender specific.

2) False flaggin’: adjective- fakin’ like the real thing bruh.

3) Pimpin’: noun – the person that I’m passionately tryin’ to get my point across to.