The Jay Graves Report

Why Alabama hollers “Roll Tide” and not SEC, SEC,SEC!!! “GPA”

The Alabama Crimson Tide celebrate their fifth national championship since 2009. But everybody else in the conference is talkin' noise this mornin' like they just won the title! Photo: MARK J. REBILAS/USA TODAY SPORTS

Mao Zedong, the Chinese Poet, once said, “The cardinal responsibility of leadership is to identify the dominant contradiction at each point of the historical process and to work out a central line to resolve it.” Soren Kierkegaard, the Danish philosopher, gave it to us like this, “Our life always expresses the result of our dominant thoughts.” Then Isaac Asimov, the writer and professor of biochemistry, shut the buildin’ down when he spit, “It is change, continuing change, inevitable change, that is the dominant factor in society today. No sensible decision can be made any longer without taking into account not only the world as it is, but the world as it will be.”

Well playas… one thing that isn’t changin’ any time soon about the college football world is the fact that Alabama keeps thrashin’ boyz and winnin’ national titles! After puttin’ that thang on Georgia in overtime 26-23, the Tide rolled out of the joint with their 5th national championship in 9 years. Talk about dominance!!!

But let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1st! What’s blowin’ my mind is that the bottom feeders of the SEC this mornin’ from schools like Kentucky, Vanderbilt, Ole Miss, Mizzou, Texas A&M, Tennessee, Miss State and Arkansas are tweetin’ and hollerin’, “SEC, SEC, SEC,” tryin’ to prop their affiliation to some cats that don’t even want them in the ride. They are the duns in the car that boyz have to give a ride home from school because they just happen to live in the same hood and Big Momma told them that they had to drop them off. They’re like the sick dog that boyz don’t wanna pay good money to put down so they take them for that infamous “last” ride but it keeps findin’ its way back home. They’re like the dude in the frat that keeps bringin’ the GPA down but is always at the party with some Greeks on steppin’ like crazy. He’s in it for the props and the women but isn’t puttin’ in any of the work. They call that bein’ a crab where I’m from playa.

Photo: David Goldman

Stop hollerin’ SEC when you aren’t contributin’ to the success of the conference! Like I’ve been sayin’ for years, the top of the SEC is loaded and are carryin’ the rest of it. Those 7 straight BCS championships and now 9 out of 11 were won by 4 schools; Alabama, LSU, Florida and the Auburn Cam Newtons! Not by 9 different schools in conference.

On some real talk, 7 of those 9 were won by 2 cats! Alabama has won 5 and Florida has won 2! So stop with the SEC chantin’ if you aren’t one of those schools. Alabama has won 5 out of the last 9 titles!!!! Not the ENTIRE SEC!!! Boyz from Alabama ain’t hollerin’, “SEC!!” They’re hollerin’ “Role Tide this mornin’!”

Sayin’ that the SEC has won 9 out of 11 is a fallacy. For those of you simple minded individuals that don’t know what that is, it’s something that is true but not necessarily true. For example, it’s like sayin’ that people in the projects steal. Johnny lives in the projects, therefore, he steals. Teams from the SEC have won 9 out of 11 championships. However, not all of them have won a championship. I do have a Bachelor’s Degree playa while you’re sittin’ there hatin’ on my writin’ style!

Side note: If 50% of the people in the room aren’t hatin’ on you! You need to step you’re game up pimpin’! Let’s move on!” -Jay Graves- You can borrow that any time you want! Just spell my name right.

Clowns that attach themselves to someone else’s success are like the fool that lets his boy pay for the buffet at Shoney’s and then eats off of his plate. I saw an Ole Miss fan high fivin’ a Vandy fan as a cat from Miss State pulls up with some duns from Kentucky, Tennessee, South Carolina and Mizzou in the ride talkin’ trash. They were all goin’ to a boy from Texas A&M’s crib that’s married to a girl from Georgia to celebrate the success of the SEC. When they got there somebody said put all of the championship rings on the table that have been won over the past 50 years and you heard two coins and some lent hit the table. Georgia had a ring from 1980 and Tennessee had a ring from 1998. Everybody else just stood there lookin’ a hot mess.

Big props to ALABAMA for winnin’ it’s 5th national title in 9 years! But if you run into some dun hollerin’ SEC today and he’s not from Alabama, LSU, Florida or Auburn, tell him to stop bringin’ the frat GPA down, take off the Greeks and start puttin’ in some work. Stop me when I start lyin’!

Playas Thesaurus: 

1)Spit: verb – to say

2) Dun: noun – the person in question, dude, guy, etc. It’s whoever I’m talkin’ about and its non-gender specific.

3) Put it where the goats can get it: verb phrase – to make it as elementary as possible. To put it at ground level so everyone can understand it.

4) Ole boy: noun – the person that I’m currently talkin’ about.

The G is excluded from the endings of all words because the G is near and dear to my heart because I’m from “The G” which is Gary, Indiana. So I only use the G when I’m talkin’ about “The G!”

The caption under the photo isn’t real but its real talk!

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