The Jay Graves Report

Tiger Woods is out here actin’ and lookin’ like ole Eddie Kane Jr. “A Hot Mess”

Tiger Woods arrested on charges of DUI.

Early Monday mornin’ a dun by the name of Eldrick Woods was arrested on charges of DUI down in Jupiter, Florida. Waitresses at the local restaurants and golf courses used to call him Tiger but now that dun is just plain ole Eldrick tryin’ to figure out how to get to the crib.

Accordin’ to the arrest report ole boy was charged with DUI-unlawful blood alcohol/DUI alcohol or drugs. However, the police spokeswoman, Kristin Rightler, told The Associated Press that she didn’t have additional details about the circumstances leadin’ to his arrest. She also said that she didn’t have any information about whether the arrest involved drugs or alcohol. What!!?

Let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1st! The dun had to either be drunk or usin’ drugs to be arrested and charged with DUI!! That’s why they call it drivin’ under the influence. You can’t charge a boy with DUI and then say that you don’t know if it was drugs or alcohol. That makes no sense!! It’s gotta be drugs, alcohol or both.

Now it’s feasible that ole boy could have been on pain killers or something because he just had back surgery in April and he’s still recuperatin’! Now I’m not makin’ excuses for the dun because he shouldn’t be abusin’ drugs or alcohol at all. But I don’t live in the world of what should be. I live in the world of what is and I know that he’s been strugglin’ with his confidence ever since his wife ran him outta of the crib with that baseball bat.

Remember when they tried to lie to boyz about him crashin’ the whip in his own driveway? You had to be a complete sucka to fall for that foolishness. Nobody crashes a car in their own driveway because they lost control of it. You’re not goin’ that fast. I knew that ole girl must have chased him out of the house swingin’ or shootin’ something. Why? Because nobody knocks themselves out comin’ out of the driveway.

“Y’all can’t mess with ole Eddie Kane!”

He’s been a mess ever since bruh! He can’t play a lick of golf without makin’ excuses or complainin’ about some type of injury and now he’s ridin’ around lookin’ like ole Eddie Kane Jr. He hasn’t been the same since he got exposed. It’s like somebody cuttin’ off Sampson’s hair. They put ole Tiger on blast and he’s fallen apart like pair of Zips in an old school kick ball game. Stop me when I start lyin’!

Playas Thesaurus: 

1) Dun: noun – the person in question, dude, guy, etc. It’s whoever I’m talkin’ about and its non-gender specific.

2) Whip: noun – luxury vehicle

3) Zips: noun – the cheapest sneakers they ever sold. They didn’t even come in a box bruh. They were tied together in the drug store.

The G is excluded from the endings of all words because the G is near and dear to my heart because I’m from “The G” which is Gary, Indiana. So I only use the G when I’m talkin’ about “The G!”

The caption under the photo isn’t real but its real talk!