The Jay Graves Report

There’s only certain places that a GROWN man can wear sneakers! “Jordans bruh?”

"Even Mike can't even give you a pass on this one bruh!"

Maxwell Maltz, the famous cosmetic surgeon, said, “Low self-esteem is like driving through life with the hand-brake on.” The Scottish philosopher, Thomas Carlyle, gave it to us like this, “Nothing builds self-esteem and self-confidence like accomplishment.”  Then Louis Hart, the 9th Governor of the state of Washington, knocked over everybody’s drink with this joint, “Self-esteem is as important to our well being as legs to a table. It is essential to physical and mental health and for happiness.” 

Well playas…believe it or not homeboy, there was a time when “men” actually took pride in what they would put on to go out in public. I remember when they would give out the best dressed award in school. Boyz would put in work all year to win that joint! If you didn’t win it this year there was always next year. In that day you couldn’t get any women if your gear wasn’t tight playa. It didn’t matter whether you were a ball player or just a regular cat, your gear had to be on point!

Now the ball playas typically rocked the hottest joggin’ suits made by Adidas, Puma and Nike at the time. However, it really didn’t matter who’s name was on it as long as you knew how to rock it. Your sneakers had to be clean and you learned how to use a tooth brush to keep them joints lookin’ brand new.

The preps, as they were so affectionately called, wore their cardigan sweaters, polo’s and loafers with their designer jeans always pressed or straight from the dry cleaners. Now I was one of the few ball playas that could float between the two groups effortlessly. Why? Because I’m Jay Graves playboy! That’s why! It didn’t matter what your program was back then but most importantly you had to look presentable at all times. It was just an unwritten code bruh!

Today boyz are still serious about their shoe game but everything else has fallin’ off. Nobody combs their hair, girls included, duns are walkin’ around lookin’ homeless from the ankles up but they’ve got on a pair of $200 or more sneakers.

Now days you can look like a straight up fool and still get a woman. I’m not talkin’ about teenagers either pimpin’! I’m talkin’ about fully grown men (25 plus) walkin’ around with no pride whatsoever. My wife and I just recently went to the Lauryn Hill concert. It was like bein’ at show time at the Apollo but where was the sand man when you needed him? I’m tired of givin’ these cats a pass out here.

So let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1st! You can’t dress up a sag playboy! You can’t put on a brand new pair of jeans that are still half way down your leg, a 5X sweat shirt, a new flat bib and think you’re ready to go out! Really? Or better yet, put on a joggin’ suit that’s draggin’ the ground and filthy and pick up your date! We’ll, I guess you can! Cuz boyz were showin’ up with women that obviously understood how to dress for a date but had no self-esteem at all. Let me take that back bruh because I saw several women in the joint with sneakers on too. A woman in sneakers is unacceptable on a date at any age over 20.

How do you let a man pick you up dressed like my 19 year old with sneakers and a sweat shirt with a sag, I must add, when you’ve spent the entire day gettin’ prepared for the evenin’? Wheredeydodatat? Oh yeah, I just said it already, women with no or low self-esteem. Sneakers are forbidden on a grown folks date! This ain’t high school or college bruh! I don’t care if they are the new Jordan’s. Mike even understands that he can’t roll with you on this one. Even though he’ll keep takin’ your money for the same joints he was sellin’ in 1995.

Sneakers bruh and you’re a grown man 25 plus? I mean, at that age the only thing they should be used for are playing ball, working out, running errands in on Saturday morning, goin’ to the barber shop or goin’ to the game. You definitely get a pass if you’ve got a job that allows you to wear them because they’re comfortable. But you definitely can’t wear them on a DATE and while we‘re at it my dude; DATE means you‘re payin’ for it and not your woman! I’m talkin’ but y’all ain’t listenin’!

I know these young boyz will say, “Man it’s 2016 this ain’t the old school!” It sure ain’t playa, but some rules don’t change like becomin’ a grown man, havin’ a job, payin’ your own way, takin’ care of your family and lookin’ like it when you go out. A grown man in sneakers on a date tells me just the opposite and if these women out here weren’t so thirsty they’d tell you the same thing. Sneakers bruh?

Now you can rock some sneakers if you want to but a real cat with some bread that knows how to put it on will take your women like snatchin’ candy out of an infant’s hands playboy. Trust me!

Don’t get me wrong, I can appreciate cats that have collected sneakers over the years because it’s a great hobby. Even a guy with a sneaker fetish knows when to put them on. The more I see guys lookin’ crazy from the ankles up one thing hasn’t changed over the years. They still know how to keep them joints lookin’ brand new! Stop me when I start lyin’!