The Jay Graves Report

The REAL reason Lane Kiffin dipped on Alabama! “Dun in Charge”

"Man why don't you do us both a favor and just dip!" ATLANTA, GA - (Photo by Kevin C. Cox/Getty Images)

Charles Spurgeon, the British Particular Baptist preacher, once said, “A lie can travel half way around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes.” Albert Einstein gave it to us like this, “Whoever is careless with the truth in small matters cannot be trusted with important matters.” Then Buddha poured out a lil’ liquor for all the dead homies when he spit, “Three things cannot be long hidden: the sun, the moon, and the truth.”

Well playas…boyz down in Tuscaloosa are tryin’ their best to keep the foolishness in the closet when it comes to Lane Kiffin but it’s slowly seepin’ out the hinges. On Monday they announced that both Nick Saban and ole boy mutually agreed to part ways a week early.

Just in case you’ve been in  coma under a rock with some Beats head phones on for the past few weeks, Lane Kiffin has accepted the Florida Atlantic job. However, the initial understandin’ was that Kiffin was goin’ to do both jobs until the Alabama season was over. Simply because they were in the hunt for a another national championship.

Of course, in the world of college football the new head coach has to put together a staff and recruit like…yesterday because they’re already behind the 8 ball. National Signing Day is the first Wednesday in February. So under normal circumstances he would have bounced as soon as he accepted the job but the Crimson Tide are playin’ for all of the marbles. So it made sense for ole boy to still be at Alabama. However, all of a sudden on Monday it made more sense to dip? Mutually agreed upon?

Let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1st! Nick Saban got tired of than dun!! Period point blank!!! At the Peach Bowl last week the dun was late to several events like he didn’t care. Then he missed the team bus headed back to the hotel after Media Day. First of all playboy, the offensive coordinator can’t miss the bus because the bus ain’t leavin’ without him. It’s only goin to leave if the person in charge of the dun drivin’ the bus tells him or her to leave. So the bus left with permission!!!

The bus is full of duns that know that Lane Kiffin isn’t on the bus and that it shouldn’t be movin’ without him. However, it is!! Therefore, the duns on the bus and especially the dun in charge doesn’t care that Lane Kiffin isn’t on the bus!!

Fast forward to Monday, because the cat in charge doesn’t care that ole boy wasn’t on the bus he could give two rips if he’s on the plane headed to Tampa this weekend. That’s the real reason ole “drinkin’ and mixin’ pills excuse givin'” Steve Sarkisian has been in Tuscaloosa for the past few months. That was the excuse he gave boyz out at USC when he cursed out the boosters and alumni at the Kick Off Gala last year. Hilarious bruh!!!

Nick brought him in to get him up to speed so that he could do just what he did on Monday. Now they’ve gotta baby sit the liquor just to get through this game. Think about it bruh, They’re givin’ the keys to the Bentley to a dun that has the propensity to crash it into the guard rail. It could be dull for Alabama because boyz couldn’t control their emotions. Stop me when I start lyin’!

Playas Thesaurus: 

1) Spit: verb – to say

2) Dun: noun – the person in question, dude, guy, etc. It’s whoever I’m talkin’ about and its non-gender specific.

3) Dip: verb – to leave