The Jay Graves Report

The REAL reason Indiana is the most delusional programin America! “Candy Stripes”

When I go to Bloomington my first stop is always to Nick’s on Kirkwood to get some of those fire Stromboli’s. While I was eatin’ the sweet pickles under the buffalo head these cats at the next table start arguin’ over being delusional. Conan O’Brien said, “When all else fails there’s always delusion.” Carl Sagan, the famous astronomer, dove at ole boy and said, “For me, it is far better to grasp the Universe as it really is than to persist in delusion, however satisfying and reassuring.” Then Richard Dawkins, the English ethologist, shut the building down with, “A delusion is something that people believe in despite a total lack of evidence.”

They must have been talkin’ about Indiana Hoosier basketball playboy! IU is by far the most delusional college basketball program in America. It’s even more delusional than Notre Dame Football. Why? Because at least Notre Dame can use the excuse that boyz just don’t want to come up and play in the cold weather. So that’s why they can’t consistently compete for a national title.

IU on the other hand, is sittin’ in the middle of Willie Wonka’s Chocolate Factory and can’t buy a cavity. Why? Because of the delusion that exists in B-town. Don’t get it twisted pimp, I’m an IU grad! Disco Brisco for life, the Flame Room, Mother Bears, Hooligans on Thursday nights and all that bruh ’til the wheels fall off! So this isn’t coming from some cat that doesn’t understand the culture or should I say the foolishness that goes on in B-town!

Let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1st! Boyz kept Bobby Knight around way too long bruh! He literally stayed about 10 years after the party was over and nobody had to guts to just push him out of the door. Then he became the dun that got drunk and started knockin’ over priceless artwork so they finally had to escort him out of the front door.

The problem was, they fired the dun 2 weeks before the start of the 2000 season and just threw ole dull Mike Davis into oncomin’ traffic and he was like a deer in headlights. The good ole boys down there didn’t want him but he handcuffed them and won 21 games in his first year. Then he turned around and pistol whipped them with his pants down and took them to title game the followin’ season. So they couldn’t fire him as much as they still wanted to.

Then they ran the best recruiter that the program has ever had out of town in just two quick seasons because of some freakin’ text messages! Now the same rule that got Kelvin Sampson fired isn’t even a rule anymore. It’s perfectly legal to do what he was doing now. So how much of a violation was it if boyz don’t even care to enforce it anymore? Murder is still Murder even 100 years later bruh! They don’t take rules like that off of the books but spittin’ in the park may be excluded.

How in the world do you think that Eric Gordon changed his mind at the last minute to come to IU? He was on his way to Illinois!! But those freakin’ phone calls and text messages kept him at the crib pimpin’! Let me put it where the goats can get it playa! Everybody that’s winning is cheatin’ to some degree. There are so many freakin’ rules in the NCAA handbook that you can’t keep them straight and most of them you can’t control.

Even when the great Bobby Knight was there boyz were cheatin’! Now he probably wasn’t but all of the merchants in town sure were because I saw it with my own two eyes. If a player walks into a restaurant and eats for free that’s an NCAA violation. Well boyz were violatin’ all over town all of the time. That’s cheatin’!! So stop actin’ like IU has more morals than duns at Kentucky, Duke, UNC etc. etc.etc.! They just keep climbin’ through Indiana’s window and taking their women. If it were an elite program that wouldn’t happen EVERY freakin’ year!

Here’s my IU fan in his candy stripe warm-ups screamin’ at the top of his lungs, “That’s not a big deal! It’s only a free meal!” Those freakin’ text message weren’t a big deal either! Boyz just wanted Kelvin gone and that was the scapegoat. He was the best thing for IU because he proved that he could land the big fish. You can’t win titles without havin’ studs all over the floor and IU keeps fishin’ in retention ponds looking for sharks and pullin’ out guppies.

Every year you hear the same thing, “Man next year IU has the best recruiting class in America. Boy next year they’re gonna be really good because so and so is comin’. Wait ‘til next year because they got Joe Blow and Johnny Good are comin’ to town.” When in reality for at least the past 27 or 28 years the best players in the state have been givin’ IU the finger and goin’ elsewhere.

Am I lyin’? Sit down playboy and check out this list of duns that grew up in the state and shot spit balls at IU, signed with other programs and went to the league: Rick Fox (UNC), Glenn Robinson (Purdue, POY), all three of the Plumlee brothers with Mason and Miles already in the league and Marshall on deck (Duke), they missed on two of the Zeller brothers, Tyler and Luke (UNC and ND), Rodney Carney (Memphis), Josh McRoberts (Duke), Zach Randolph (Michigan State), Greg Odon (OSU) Mike Conley (OSU) George Hill (IUPUI) Shawn Kemp (UK, JUCO), Sean May (UNC), Jeff and Marquis Teague (Wake Forest and UK) Courtney Lee (Western Kentucky), Eric Montross (UNC), Luke Harongody (ND), Robbie Hummel, E’Twan Moore amd JaJuan Johnson (Purdue), Gordon Hayward (Butler). I could go on but why? And I didn’t even mention all of the cats that played at big time programs and didn’t go to the league like Chris Thomas (ND) and Jason Gardner (Arizona), etc.

Here’s the IU fan again, “Man most of those guys wouldn’t have even qualified to get into Indiana.” Really? It’s a state school you idiot! If they could get into the other schools I’m quite sure they could get into IU. John Thompson wasn’t turning boyz down at Georgetown in the ‘80’s and that was a private school pimpin’! Why? Because he was trying to win! So don’t give me the academics excuse because they let me in and I couldn’t even read until after a graduated from that piece!

Think about all of the studs that are in college right now that passed on IU bruh! Gary Harris is at Michigan State along with Brandon Dawson. Zach Irving, Glenn Robinson III and Mich McGary are all at Michigan right now. Crean could win a national title with these five and Plumlee last week! Just think of how dominant of a program IU would be if they had just signed half of these cats!

Sure, IU’s got five banners blowing in the wind down in Bloomington but they’re ancient history. The last time they won a title was 1987 bruh! That was 27 years ago. That means that boyz that are darn near 30 years old have never even seen them win a championship and you still think that it’s still an elite program? Put the pipe down, take the needle out of the your arm, wipe the powder off of your nose and back away from the table slowly!

Until you find a cat that can recruit and you’re willing to get out of his way. You’re gonna keep getting subpar talent and getting the doors blown off of you by cats from Indiana that went down the street to play for somebody that really has an elite program. Stop me when I start lyin’!