The Jay Graves Report

The Eulogy of an Indiana Basketball sore loser! “Countin’ Chickens”

"Here's lies a sore loser and his big mouth!"

After the sudden passin’ of the Indiana Hoosiers on Friday night due to a bad case of the Wisconsin Badgers 70-60. We gather here today to mourn the loss of the diehard IU sore loser. He was a good man that got too emotionally invested into his team. Whenever they won he would be way over the top in his celebrations and when they loss he would go into a deep depression. For years I tried to tell him to take his heart out it but he wouldn’t listen.

Over the years he lost all of his friends because he talked way too much trash to the point of nausea. Whenever the Hoosiers played he thought that they were supposed to win the national title. Even if they were suspect from jump. There was a time when his team had the best record in the league and he and all of his boyz were on a mission to let the world know just how good their team was.

We tried to warn him of the dangers of “Countin’ Chickens” before the eggs hatched but he was far too gone at that point. Whenever his team would fall apart he would come up missin’ and we all knew that it was the beginnin’ of the end for this sore loser. He started callin’ off of work, missin’ appointments and avoidin’ the few friends that he had left. He wouldn’t return phone calls from loved ones. It was bad bruh! We knew that he was in trouble when he started makin’ excuses! “Ah bruh, we shouldn’t have loss that game up in Fort Wayne they cheated us!”

I tried to tell him that you can’t treat people that way when your team is on top last year in the Big Ten because you never know how these things will play out but as usual he wouldn’t listen. We tried to explain to him that Tom Crean couldn’t coach his way out of a brown paper bag but he wouldn’t listen. We tried to tell him that ole boy had no leadership on his team and that they wouldn’t make the NCAA Tournament when they loss to Fort Wayne no matter how good they looked against Kansas and North Carolina.

When the reality finally set in that they were horrible all he had was excuses. I even gave him the speech that all pledges get on the yard. “Excuses are the tools of the incompetent and those that use them are seldom good for anything else!” However, he was gone by that time like a fiend in a crack house. Hooked on the foolishness of believin’ because it was Indiana that they still had a shot of makin’ the tournament.

“It’s over bruh! Stop fightin’ it.”

I visited him in the hospital when he was on life support back in freakin’ December and had to be honest with him that his team sucked. I wanted to see them get better because I’m an IU grad! But I live in the reality of always acceptin’ the truth and seein’ things as they are.

By the middle of the second half on Friday night while Wisconsin was puttin’ their foot in IU’s butt. He was too weak to sustain any momentum because he and his boyz had already accepted defeat. So my prayers were in vain. This guy and his team had given up a long time ago but the public kept lyin’ to them sayin’ that they still had a shot. He just kept frontin’ like he was all good and figured people would be excepting of his excuses but they weren’t.

Nobody was going to let he or his boyz off the hook for nearly 6 months of extreme trash talk. When they smelled blood in the water everyone piled on and the sore loser and his team succumbed to their excuses last night on a lonely corner in D.C. 70-60. His body was flown back to Bloomington late last night and today we say good bye to he and all of his fellow trash talkers until next season. It was like Frank Lucas was sellin’ “Blue Magic” around here  after they knocked off Kansas but now boyz are sittin’ on that dull front pew cryin’ and lookin’ dull.

I’m so glad that his mouth has been silenced at least for the time bein’ because we all know that he’ll rise from the dead in November.  But at least we all can enjoy the rest of March Madness without havin’ to listen to that fool talk about the good old days of Indiana basketball and how they’re goin’ to shock the world this year. I guess it would be appropriate for us to rock that “Gone ’til November” by the Wyclef Jean as we exit this joint huh?

We aren’t going to allow anyone to say any kind words about this brother because there isn’t anything to say that is kind other than the fact that he’s not talkin’ a C-Note worth of trash today. Thank you for coming out and all of you undercover sore losers can drop your IU jerseys in the garbage as you exit and we’ll see you in November. Stop me when I start lyin’!

Playas Thesaurus: 

1) Dun: noun – the person in question, dude, guy, etc. It’s whoever I’m talkin’ about and its non-gender specific.

The caption under the photos aren’t real but its real talk! 

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