The Jay Graves Report

The Bears’ Kevin White forgot to teach his girl “Hood Whip Protocol!”

"Look what I got and what I just gave away!" Photo: TMZ

Big Momma used to always say that too many people spend money that they don’t have or need to, to impress folks they don’t even know. Well playas….on Thursday we saw a prime example of a boy spendin’ bread to floss but not understandin’ that everybody ain’t happy you ballin’. Bears wide receiver Kevin White’s Maserati was stolen from his girlfriend in broad daylight. At 6:30pm in the city’s West Town neighborhood ole girl was sittin’ at the light when duns pulled the ole bump and run on her.

As she sat at the light boyz bumped the back of the ride and when she got out to check the damage two cats jumped in the ride and dipped. Now the headlines were that ole boy was carjacked and technically by the letter of the law his girl was but he wasn’t. Unfortunately, she fell for the ole Beverly Hills Cop banana in the tailpipe. Why? Because that’s the oldest trick in the book bruh. She should have seen that one gettin’ out of the car butt naked with glow in the dark shoes on.

Let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1st! If you’re goin’ to allow your girl to drive the whip then you’ve got to put her through the crash course for spottin’ foolishness in the streets! They call that “Hood Whip Protocol!” They’ve been usin’ the bump and run  joint for more that 30 years bruh.

I can remember bein’ home from college on Christmas break in 1987 gettin’ some food from one of the brown bag joints in The G! I was drivin’ a Ford Escort and a boy pulled up behind me and bumped me. A friend of mine that was with me grabbed for the door to jump out of the ride to go nuts. I grabbed that fool and floored it. They chased us for about a half mile until I made the most dangerous U-turn of my life.

They were tryin’ to jack a boy for an Escort bruh!!! So don’t think for one minute that a dun isn’t lookin’ for a helpless woman in a Maserati!! Next time he’ll let her drive the Ford Tempo until she goes through hood survival trainin’. Stop me when I start lyin’!

Playas Thesaurus: 

1) Dun: noun – the person in question, dude, guy, etc. It’s whoever I’m talkin’ about and its non-gender specific.

2) Whip: noun – Luxury vehicle

3) Dip: verb – to leave

4) Ride: noun – car

5) Brown Bag: noun – hood restaurant where all of the food comes in a brown paper bag.

6) The G: noun – Gary, Indiana

The G is excluded from the endings of all words because the G is near and dear to my heart because I’m from “The G” which is Gary, Indiana. So I only use the G when I’m talkin’ about “The G!”

The caption under the photo isn’t real but its real talk!