The Jay Graves Report

Texas’ Tom Hermon didn’t realize that Power 5 actually meant better competition! “It’s Real Out Here Bruh”

"Well I wish somebody would have told me because I would have stayed put!" AP Photo/Eric Gay

Everybody and their baby’s momma, Uncle Junior and cousins LeRoy, Bubba and Dan thought that Tom Hermon was goin’ to roll into Austin and immediately start winnin’. Duns just thought that Charlie Strong was a complete mess and that he forgot how to coach when after he took the Texas job.

It was crazy to me to hear and see all of the Longhorn fans talkin’ $100 worth of noise prior to the season opener about how ole boy was about to ride in on a donkey and save Texas football on Day 1!!!

They scheduled probably the easiest Big Ten team available and got the breaks beaten off of them. Yeah, I know that Maryland only beat them by 10 points but they gave up 51 at the crib! In Darrell K. Royal-Texas Memorial Stadium bruh!! They weren’t on a neutral field or anything like that son. They were in the heart of Texas with Bevo standin’ on the sideline with a do rag on, a pack of Kool 100’s rolled up in his T-shirt and some house slippers on.

Let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1st! Maryland is a bottom feeder in the Big Ten. They’re catfish bruh and Texas got drilled by them. To make matters worse, instead of ownin’ get kicked in the pants at the crib by some dull cats. The first year head man of the Longhorns tried to lightweight make an excuse for gettin’ embarrassed.

Ole boy had the nerve to say, “If we all thought that we were going to come in here and, in nine months, sprinkle some fairy dust on this team and think that we’ve arrived, then we’re wrong.” You got that playboy!

But I give the homie, Urban Meyer, crazy props for callin’ his former assistant out for tryin’ to make an excuse. Urban put it where the goats could get it when he told that “It’s like a new generation of excuse.” He went on to say, “He got a dose of reality. Maryland just scored 51 points on you.”

In other words playboy, lick your wounds and keep fightin’ to see another day. This ain’t as easy as it looks playa. This ain’t the University of Houston or the American Athletic Conference bruh, it’s the Power 5!! That means duns are flat out better. Don’t sleep on the competition and stop me when I start lyin’!

Playas Thesaurus: 

1) Dun: noun – the person in question, dude, guy, etc. It’s whoever I’m talkin’ about and its non-gender specific.

2) Put it where the goats can get it: verb phrase – to make it as elementary as possible. To put it at ground level so everyone can understand it.

The G is excluded from the endings of all words because the G is near and dear to my heart because I’m from “The G” which is Gary, Indiana. So I only use the G when I’m talkin’ about “The G!”

The caption under the photo isn’t real but its real talk!