The Jay Graves Report

ND football players pull a Pookie nem on first weekend back! “Ridin’ Dirty”

Thomas Brooks, the British politician, once said, “God hears no more than the heart speaks; and if the heart be dumb, God will certainly be deaf.” George Washington gave it to us like this, “If the freedom of speech is taken away then dumb and silent we may be led, like sheep to the slaughter.” Then Edward Abbey, the famous author and essayist, broke it down so that it would be forever broken when he spit, “One man alone can be pretty dumb sometimes, but for real bona fide stupidity, there ain’t nothin’ can beat teamwork.” 

Well playas…the Notre Dame football team ended camp on Friday and they were dedicated to dumb teamwork on Friday night. Boyz who are supposed to be smart proved to the world that they are just as dumb as some duns still wanderin’ around in the projects. Five of these cats got popped for speedin’! They were doin’ 73mph in a 60 bruh. Then once the boyz rolled up on them they smelled weed in the ride and called for the dogs! Not only did they find the weed they were lookin’ for but they found the gun too. 

Senior safety Max Redfield, redshirt freshman cornerback Ashton White, freshman wide receiver Kevin Stepherson, sophomore runnin’ back Dexter and sophomore linebacker Te’von Coney all got charged with possession of marijuana, which is a misdemeanor. Then get this playboy,  Redfield, Stepherson and Williams all were charged with possession of a handgun without a license, also a misdemeanor.

Let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1st! All of these kids parents have sent them off to school to take their lives to another level. They aren’t at some bottom end community college or some joint that anybody can just walk off of the street and get into. THEY’RE AT NOTRE DAME for cryin’ out loud!!! And they’re ridin’ deep and dirty! Where’s Chamillionaire when you need him bruh? 

These duns have been in camp for two weeks and now that boyz are movin’ back on the yard this weekend they’re out flaudgin’ playin’ the music loud leanin’ and puffin’ on that la! Gettin’ right before they show up at the party with their ND football warm ups on to impress the freshman. I get it playa.  But why are you sprintin’ through the joint at 72 mph is what I wanna know? Goin’ that fast nobody can even see you. What’s wrong with these cats? 

Okay, I get chargin’ everybody in the ride with possession because everybody in the ride was in the ride! I get it. But explain to me how three duns got charged with possession of the same gun? Did they cut that joint up into thirds or what? The cop on that joint was on one bruh! 

Now you gotta call Big Momma this mornin’ and tell her that you got arrested for some ghetto dumb mess that you could have done back at the crib with a 3rd grade education. And you’re at NOTRE DAME!!! What’s the point in puttin’ in all of that work to pull a Pookie and Ray-Ray the first weekend back on the yard? C’mon bruh!!!  

Not to mention all of the hot water you’re in now with the darn coaches! And school hasn’t even started. In my G.I. hood dialect, “Got’s to be mo careful!” Stop me when I start lyin’!  

Playas Thesaurus: 

1) Spit: verb – to say 

2) Dun: noun – the person in question, dude, guy, etc. It’s whoever I’m talkin’ about and its non-gender specific. 

3) Put it where the goats can get it: verb phrase – to make it as elementary as possible. To put it at ground level so everyone can understand it. 

4) Popped: verb – to get arrested 

5) Flaudgin’: verb – to show out