The Jay Graves Report

Michigan State is OFFICIALLY, well….back to bein’ Michigan State! “Basic Physics”

C'mon bruh! You didn't have to tackle me that hard!"

Soren Kierkegaard, the Danish philosopher, once said, “Life is not a problem to be solved, but a reality to be experienced.” Nikos Kazantzakis, the Greek writer, gave it to us like this, “Since we cannot change reality, let us change the eyes which see reality.” Then Lao Tzu, the ancient Chinese philosopher, broke it down like a playa at a pimp convention when he spit, “Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don’t resist them – that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.”

Well playas…I’m here to tell all of the duns up in East Lansing that college football is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Or should I say that it has a tendency to fall back into it’s natural order. Don’t resist it because it only creates sorrow for you and all the duns wearin’ green and white. On Saturday the Michigan State Spartans when up to dull Northwestern and got blasted 54-40 to further provin’ my point that they are, well…Michigan’s little brother all over again.

Let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1st! When Jim Harbaugh was hired in Ann Arbor I told you boyz that Michigan State was officially back to bein’ the “The Little Brother” and boyz in East Lansing went nuts!! “How dare you say that we’re the little brother bruh?” We’re legit!!! We’ve been kickin’ Michigan’s butt lately and we’ve won 7 out of the last 8! This ain’t no fluke!!” 

Hold on a second bruh. You’ve been playin’ Michigan since 1898 and you’ve lost that joint 68 times and have only won 35 games. They OWN you historically! Stop it! You sound crazy!! In 1902 they beat you 119-0! That’s worth like 6 games right there.

So all of a sudden Michigan makes the worst mistake in the program’s history by forcin’ Lloyd Carr out of the ride like ole Eddie Kane Jr. when they hired ole dull Rich Rodriguez and he destroyed the program for several years. That dun actually got on national television and said that he didn’t understand the magnitude of the of “The Game!” For all of you simple minded individuals that’s one of the biggest rivalries in college football history, Michigan versus Ohio State and he was coachin’ in it.

Now that order has been restored in Ann Arbor with a legitimate coach we’re startin’ to see the effects play out down the road in East Lansing. There is a simple rule in physics bruh that says that two objects can’t occupy the same space at the same time. Well playboy, two great football programs can’t occupy the same state at the same time. Somebody’s gotta be dull!! And guess who’s real dull right now in the state of Michigan?

Let me put it where the goats can get it. Not only do the Spartans still have to play their arch rival, they’ve got Ohio State on the schedule too and they’ve already lost 4 in a row. It wouldn’t be so bad for them if they weren’t talkin’ so much trash over the past 7 or 8 years. Anybody that knows anything about college football knew that Michigan State wasn’t worth two dead flies smashed. They were only winnin’ because Michigan was down and college football is cyclical. Programs fall off from time to time durin’ their history because of probation or a bad coachin’ change etc. It’s MICHIGAN bruh!! You knew that they would be back.

It’s the winningest college football program in America!! It wasn’t goin’ to be down long so all Michigan State could do was win while they were down and they did. Now it’s time to shut up and get in the cut. It’s goin’ to be fun watchin’ they get beat down because they were talkin’ way too much to be a mediocre program at best. And don’t get it twisted, I’m not a Michigan fan! I just know college football bruh! Stop me when I start lyin’!

Playas Thesaurus: 

1) Spit: verb – to say

2) Dun: noun – the person in question, dude, guy, etc. It’s whoever I’m talkin’ about and its non-gender specific.

3) Put it where the goats can get it: verb phrase – to make it as elementary as possible. To put it at ground level so everyone can understand it.

4) Dull: adjective – to describe something as bein’ terrible, something that makes you sick with disgust because it’s so stupid to even think of.

5) Get in the cut: verb phrase – to bend over and take a whipping.

The caption under the photo isn’t real but its REAL talk!