The Jay Graves Report

Kirk Herbstreit talkin’ crazy about USC gettin’ into playoff! “Eye Ball Testin'”

"I don't know what I'm talkin' about bruh! But most of the duns listenin' to me don't know either. So I'm good!"

Every now and then I’ve got to go back to the hood to renew my ghetto pass. So as I’m standin’ out in front of the brown bag I see these three cats arguin’ about logic. Albert Einstein comes out of the joint and says, “Logic will get you from A to B. Imagination will take you everywhere.” Dale Carnegie pulls up and jumps out of the whip and shouts, “When dealing with people, remember you are not dealing with creatures of logic, but creatures of emotion.” Then as A.N. Wilson, English writer, is complainin’ about his fish takin’ too long he screams, “The fact that logic cannot satisfy us awakens an almost insatiable hunger for the irrational.”

Well playas…those same rules applied as it related to the duns on the College Football Playoffs Rankings Show on Tuesday night.  Logic went out of the window as emotional foolishness and irrational eye ball testin’ took over. Everybody and their baby’s momma’s momma, Ms. Jackson, agreed that the Top 4 made sense. Nobody was trippin’ that Alabama was No.1, Ohio State was 2, Michigan was 3rd and Clemson was 4th! Washington sits at the 5 and Wisconsin was 6th. But then ole dull Kirk Herbstreit jumps out of the birthday cake in my Bernie Mac voice, “Bucket Naked” talkin’ crazy about USC to the point of nearly foamin’ at the mouth crazy!!!

Let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1st! USC is rollin’ right now and is probably playin’ better football than anybody in America. However, they’ve already lost 3 games bruh!!! Herbstreit keeps hollerin’ about nobody wantin’ to play them right now and “right now” they are better than so and so.

Bruh…they’ve lost 3 games!!! This isn’t about who is better today at this moment! It’s about who deserves to be there right now. You can’t just pick a boy up in Week13 and say they are better than the duns that have already beaten them. That makes no sense. Their entire body of work is on the table not today’s foolishness!!

If we’re usin’ that type of logic then why are we even keepin’ score? Because the wins and the losses have to count. He runs into the crib every year with that foolishness!!

You don’t have to be the best team Kirk! You just have to be the best team for 3 hours!! We’ve heard that since the day we started playin’ sports. Now all of a sudden that concept doesn’t make sense to you.

In the famous words of Bill Parcels, “You are what your record says you are!”

If NC State would have played Houston’s Phi Slamma Jamma 10 times for the national championship in 1983. Houston would have won that darn game 9 other times by double digits. Only problem playboy, they only needed to play it once and Jimmy V. and Co. knocked them off. So it didn’t matter who was better. NC State won the darn game and the national title.

So stop usin’ ignorant irrational arguments to put the teams that you would rather see in the Top 4. After this weekend Michigan and Ohio State will take care of itself. So Washington will move up “if” they win. If Ohio State beats Michigan then Penn State SHOULD play for the Big Ten title representin’ the East because they beat Ohio State heads up and they both have the same record in conference play. The tie breaker allows Penn State to jump the Buckeyes. Not the dun that you would rather see. It shouldn’t work like that bruh. The wins and the losses have to count. Otherwise, this is stupid.

So what you SHOULD have when the smoke clears is the winners of the SEC, ACC, Big Ten and Pac 12. The Big 12 should get left out because they’ve been dull and the potential winner of that conference, Oklahoma, got blasted early on by Ohio State at the crib and took an “L” at Houston Week 1!

Again playboy, if the wins and the losses don’t count then why are we playin’ the games. If we’re goin’ to use the Herbstreit logic then we may as well just go to spring practice and eye ball a boy and award the national title to the team that looks the best in a bathing suit. Stop me when I start lyin’!

Playas Thesaurus: 

1) Brown Bag: noun – hood take out joint that usually serves burgers, fries, chicken and fish. It’s called a brown bag because the food is put into a brown paper bag to carry out.

2) Ms. Jackson: noun – rap song by the super group OutKast

3) Dun: noun – the person in question, dude, guy, etc. It’s whoever I’m talkin’ about and its non-gender specific.

The caption under the photo isn’t real but its REAL talk! 

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