The Jay Graves Report

KD comes outta the whip on the Cavs in Game 1! “Warnin’ Shots”

"Like it or not playboy! I'm up in this piece!"

The Golden State Warriors pulled up in the ’64 Impala bumpin’ the entire “Born To Mack” album by Too Short just to let boyz know that it was as real as it gets on Thursday night! Raw and uncut they jumped out of the whip in the middle of the street as soon as “Freaky Tales” came on and went to work on the Cavs in Game 1 beatin’ the brakes off of them 113-91!

I’ve been tellin’ boyz all season that it was KD’s team and that the only way they were goin’ to win the title this year would be if he put these duns on his back. Yes, I know that they won 73 ball games without him last year and won a title the year before without him too. But this year it was his team! Why? Because he’s the best player on the team bruh.

So he came out of the driver’s side door bussin’, showin’ like my momma used to always say “Showin’ his bare bottom!” puttin’ up 38 points, 8 rebounds and 8 assists. Cleveland helped to get him goin’ early with defensive collapses leavin’ him wide open for 6 easy dunks. Once KD got goin’ the other duns jumped out of the ride in hot pursuit of anybody standin’ in their way.

Let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1st! We all knew that Golden State was the better team because they’ve got shooters all over the floor and they spread the ball like crazy. But boyz didn’t expect them to dive head first into these cats like that with just two cats.

What’s so crazy was that only KD and Steph offensively jumped out of the whip!! Steph finished with 28 points, 10 assists and 6 rebounds! Nobody else on the squad finished in double figures. However, they did a helluva job of forcin’ Cleveland to self destruct on offense. What do they say bruh, “Defense wins championships right?” Well it certainly won Game 1.

The Cavs committed 12 or their 20 turnovers in the first half!! TWENTY TURNOVERS in the Finals is a recipe for disaster!! Especially against a team that can score points at will. It’s a wonder that they didn’t get blown out of the gym even worse givin’ the rock up like that.

Golden State held Cleveland to a dismal 34.9 percent shootin’ from the field and 35.5 percent from behind the arc. The Warriors shot that joint at 42.5 percent from the field but didn’t shoot the three that well only finishin’ at 36.4 percent. However, Steph found his rhythm knockin’ down 6 of 11 of those joints.

Right outta of the gate both teams looked nervous and shook for the first 3 or 4 minutes of the game. Boyz wanted to hurry up and get into a rhythm. LeBron was missin’ dull free throws to start the game etc. However, he did settle down to put in work finishin’ with 28 points, 15 rebounds and 8 assists but it wasn’t enough to overcome his team’s turnovers. Kyrie dropped off 24 points as Kevin Love came out of the back seat with a solid 15 points and 21 rebounds!!

So their big three showed up but the rest of those duns were no shows! They were in the back seat of the ride with ole dull “Skittles and Lemonheads” listenin’ to some Luther Vandross! They got goose eggs from Tristan Thompson, Kyle Korver and Deron Williams. Only 3 points from JR and 5 from Shump.

You can’t show up in hostile territory with a butter knife, a cap gun and firecrackers bruh! Don’t get it twisted, the Warriors had some duns in the back seat on smoke breaks offensively too but it didn’t have a negative affect on them because they only turned the rock over 4 times all night. Where has Klay Thompson been bruh? That dun has been on the back of a milk carton throughout the playoffs but he did play defense though. He shot 3 of 16 from the field and was 0-5 from three!

Neither team had boyz come out of the bushes last night. Cleveland got 21 points and Golden State had 24.

Is it time to panic for the Cavs? Naw playboy, it’s just one game and LeBron has lost six of his previous Game 1’s and has come back to win three of the previous five. So settle down because it’s a long series and it should be interestin’ to watch. Stop me when I start lyin’!

Playas Thesaurus: 

1) Too Short: noun – rapper from Oakland that put the city on the Hip Hop map and Born to Mack was his first album.

2) Whip: noun – a luxury vehicle

3) Dun: noun – the person in question, dude, guy, etc. It’s whoever I’m talkin’ about and its non-gender specific.

4) Skittles and Lemonheads: noun – Roy Hibbert, I started callin’ him that when the dun wouldn’t score a single point in games and not a single rebound either. Dull!

5) Out of the bushes: verb phrase – to come off of the bench.

The G is excluded from the endings of all words because the G is near and dear to my heart because I’m from “The G” which is Gary, Indiana. So I only use the G when I’m talkin’ about “The G!”

The caption under the photo isn’t real but its real talk!