The Jay Graves Report

If Steve Sarkisian were black he’d be sellin’ cars on Crenshaw today! “Mad Dog”

Sep 24, 2016; Tuscaloosa, AL, USA; Alabama Crimson Tide offensive analyst Steve Sarkisian prior to the game against Kent State Golden Flashes at Bryant-Denny Stadium. Mandatory Credit: Marvin Gentry-USA TODAY Sports

Confucius one said, “When it is obvious that the goals cannot be reached, don’t adjust the goals, adjust the action steps.” Albert Einstein gave it to us like this, “It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.” Then Shigeru Miyomoto, the Japanese video game designer, broke it down like a playa at a pimp convention when he spit, “The obvious objective of video games is to entertain people by surprising them with new experiences.”

Well playas…the obvious objective in the world of college football isn’t to surprise us with new experiences. It’s to remind us that the more things change in this country the more they remain the same. Opportunities for white coaches in major college football remains plentiful. While that same opportunity for black coaches keeps catchin’ the bus out of town.

On Friday night the University of Alabama announced that ole dull Steve Sarkisian would become their new offensive coordinator. He’ll be replacin’ Lane Kiffin as he dips after the seasons over to become the head coach at Florida Atlantic. Back in September I wrote the crazy Hot Joint entitled “Book It” where I explained to you boyz that this was in the works but you wouldn’t listen to me.

They hired ole boy as an analyst on their staff. He could only watch practice and game film and provide overall input on the direction of the team as well as the game plan. However, he couldn’t go out on the field and coach but he would be heavily involved.

Now let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1st! Everybody and their baby’s momma’s momma, Ms. Jackson, could see that they were tryin’ to sneak that dun back into the game without boyz trippin’ and it becomin’ a public relations nightmare. Oh!! So you boyz wanna act like y’all forgot who Steve Sarkisian was?

He’s the same dun that showed up last August sloppy drunk at the USC Annual Kick Off dinner cussin’ and talkin’ crazy to all of the big time alumni and boosters! He’s the same fool that told a boy that he mixed his Mad Dog 20/20 with his Cialis to make him trip the way he did. Now I have no idea what type of liquor or pills Sark says he mixed before the kick off event but Mad Dog 20/20 and Cialis was too funny to pass up playa.

Yeah bruh! Nick was smooth with bringin’ ole boy in hopin’ that everybody would forget that Sark showed up to team meetings  just this past August and September full of that snake oil and they wouldn’t let him go on the field. Now keep in mind that he did all of that AFTER the Annual Kickoff Event debacle. Did I mention that he stayed “lit” at the University of Washington even before he showed his butt at USC? But this dun has another job at a big time program today!!  Not just a big time program bruh! He at the BIGGEST program in the freakin’ country!!!  Wheredeydodatat? Only in America!!!

Bama was smooth with that foolishness and not a single one of these fake media-types at a major network saw it comin’! I called it foul in September and boys thought that I was trippin’! Ya’ll better start listenin’ to me. And like I said, NOBODY is trippin’ that ole drunk, showin’ his butt Steve Sarkisian is workin’ again. We all know that if he were black he’d be sellin’ cars on Crenshaw today. Stop me when I start lyin’!

Playas Thesaurus: 

1) Spit: verb – to say

2) Dun: noun – the person in question, dude, guy, etc. It’s whoever I’m talkin’ about and its non-gender specific.

3) Put it where the goats can get it: verb phrase – to make it as elementary as possible. To put it at ground level so everyone can understand it.

4) Lit: verb – to be drunk

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