The Jay Graves Report

How the Black Mamba has destroyed the Lakers just by bein’ Kobe! “Lil’ Ole Me”

"I didn't know it was gonna be like this!"

I was hangin’ out in front of the Staples Center hollerin’ at some old timers when they started arguin’ about boyz bein’ selfish. William Gladstone, a 19th century British politician, said, “Selfishness is the greatest curse of the human race.” Martin Luther King Jr. stood up and shouted, “Every man must decide whether he will walk in the light of creative altruism or in the darkness of destructive selfishness.” Then Oscar Wilde, the 19th century Irish writer, blew his horn at all of the homies and said, “Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live.”

I’ve been tellin’ you duns for four years that Kobe “Bean” Bryant was gonna be the death of the Lakers because of his selfishness and now we’re pourin’ out the liquor for all the dead homies! The police have blocked off the freakin’ street and put the chalk around the Staples Center and the homicide unit is investigatin’ the murder.

Now these cats can save themselves a whole lot of time by hollerin’ at me because I’ve been givin’ you duns a play by play on the destruction of the Lakers for years! Don’t worry about pullin’ the surveillance tape or talkin’ to the crack head outside. I’m right here playboy!

When the best owner in the NBA, Jerry Buss, died in February of 2013 I told you boyz that Kobe was about to destroy his son Jim and daughter Jeanie because they didn’t have the guts to keep the Bentley in the road. Why? Because Kobe was about to run all over them. Ole boy was already trippin’ with Jerry when he was still alive because Phil had retired and he was the only person that could control him.

Let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1st! Everybody and their momma knew that when the summer of 2014 came every superstar free agent in the league was gonna be available. EVERYBODY! Everybody includin’ the Black Mamba! So because he wanted to be the only show in town he made sure to punk the Lakers into to signin’ him to an additional two years at $48 million even though he hadn’t recovered from the Achilles injury. He was already blastin’ these boyz for $30 million at the time and still talkin’ crazy to everybody sniffin’ at the Lakers skirt.

Any time a boy that is near the end of his career and still thinkin’ that he’s the first option regardless of havin’ major injuries, he’s delusional. And I told you cats then that NOBODY was gonna go anywhere near LA to play with that dun! He wanted all of the attention and the freakin’ ball, now he’s got it. Free agency of 2015 came and left and NOBODY even blew the horn at them bruh.

See boyz thought it was cool when he was just talkin’ crazy to cats like the Smush Parker because he was a low man on the totem pole. Duns laughed when he told Nick Young that he didn’t even talk to cats that play on losin’ teams that don’t have rings. Even though he was technically still on the team.

I’m not even gone talk about the temper tantrums he had that resulted in Shaq gettin’ shipped out of town even though they could have won more championships together. We’re not even goin’ to get into that or did I just trip and fall into that pot hole? I’m just sayin’!

Boyz had the giggles when he was talkin’ crazy about Dwight Howard through the media while they were sittin’ in the same locker room.

The cats in the barber shop thought Dwight was a buster for leavin’ LA and not wantin’ to commit to playin’ in Hollywood. Somethin’ was wrong with him. Naw playboy, nobody in LA could see the poison that was the Black Mamba. Why? Because he was the Black Mamba! Nobody in LA could see it but boyz all over the league could, especially those that were about to hit free agency.

See the first thing Kobe fans will holler is, “Man he’s got 5 rings! He can talk to a boy anyway he wants to bruh!” And he did playa!

The only truth to what these cats are sayin’ is that he’s got 5 rings! Here’s the problem that boyz gloss over pimpin’! Kobe’s has had 8 different coaches since he’s been with the Lakers playa. But he’s only been able to win with one of them and guess who that was “Jack N the Box?” Phil freakin’ Jackson the coach that didn’t allow boyz to talk crazy about their teammates in the media.

Oh I’m lyin’ playa? Kobe played for Dell Harris, Bill Bertka, and Kurt Rambis before Phil took his talents to Hollywood. Then when Phil retired after the ’04 season Rudy Tomjanovich and Frank Hamblin took over with no success and Phil came back midway through the ’05 season. Then after ole boy retired again in 2011 both the Mikes, Brown and D’Antoni, got ran over by the Kobe bus. Now Byron Scott has to deal with him.

Phil was the only cat that could keep that dun in check and make him treat his teammates with respect. Now if everybody breathin’ around the NBA knows that this dun is selfish and talks crazy to boyz without Phil why would they want to play with him? If it is a fact that you will not win with Kobe in LA because Phil isn’t there to reel him in, why wouldn’t you understand that the Lakers are supposed to be mess right now? He’s a wild dog without Phil that’s just runnin’ up and down the alley bitin’ kids.

I told you four years ago that we’d be standin’ at the crime scene in LA in front of the Staples Center singin’ “Yesterday” and “Gangsta Lean” because Buss didn’t have the gonads to make a move on Kobe. I said that it would be better to amnesty that dun when they were only in $30 million at the time. Now they’re in for another $48 million and you still have no idea what he can do for you. Oh and by the way, you’ve got the freakin’ Cosby Kids on the roster for him to play with now because NOBODY wants to play with that dun. Sure they have some young draft picks but you don’t know what they’ll be able to bring to the table until you start eatin’!

Even Pau Gasol bolted to the Bulls last summer on a boy! Now you know it’s gotta be bad when a boy voluntarily leaves Hollywood, the city of dreams where he was a celebrity among celebrities chillin’ in Malibu on the beach to go to cold butt Chicago! And that’s the edited version.

Have you ever been to Chicago in the winter time playboy? That’s my stompin’ ground playa. I’m from G. I., home of the hustlas, wide brim gangstas and full length top coats where PETA will get their butts whooped for throwin’ paint on a boyz fur coat. And that’s the edited version again playboy!

Gasol turned down $30 million dollars to go to a Friday night stepper’s set, listen to house music while sittin’ in traffic on the Dan Ryan, eatin’ Harold’s Chicken out of a brown paper bag in the middle of a freakin’ blizzard to not play another minute with Kobe! In my Chris Tucker high pitch, “Do you understand the words that are comin’ out of my mouth?”

I’ve written at least 20 Hot Joints over the last four years tellin’ you boyz that the Lakers are makin’ the same mistake that the Celtics made in the ‘80’s when they held on to McHale, Parrish and Bird way too long and it killed them for the next 20 years. Then they turned right around and did it again with Ray Allen, Paul Pierce and Kevin Garnett. Fortuntately, Brad Stevens has those young boyz ballin’ earlier than expected.

Let me put it where the goats can get it pimpin’, if the Colts could unload Peyton Manning! If the 49ers could get rid of Joe Montana! If Jerry freakin’ Rice, the best that ever did it, can line up in an Oakland Raiders uniform! If Michael Jeffery Jordan can show up in a Wizards jersey don’t tell me that Kobe ain’t beyond runnin’ out of the tunnel in a Milwaukee Bucks or Denver Nuggets joint if he ain’t willin’ to walk away on his own.

Now granted, Jordan retired and refused to work for the Jerry’s, both Reinsdorf and Krause but either way he wasn’t in a Bulls uniform. On some real talk, boyz realized that they had to move on one way or another.

Let me say this playa, if Florida freakin’ State can get rid of Bobby Bowden like he was ole Eddy Cain then what are we talkin’ about? Penn State wouldn’t have been caught up in the Sandusky foolishness if they had gotten rid of JoePa ten years earlier. I’m just sayin’!

So since Kobe wanted to be hard headed. Now he’s gotta run out of the tunnel with Fat Albert, Mushmouth, Dumb Donald, Russell, Weird Harold, Rudy and Bucky! Could you imagine bein’ the dun that kills the 2nd most storied franchise in NBA history because you couldn’t go sit yo “A” down? Stop me when I start lyin’! 

Playas Thesaurus:

1) Dun: noun – the person in question, dude, guy, etc. It’s whoever I’m talkin’ about and it’s non-gender specific.

2) Pimpin’: noun – the person that I’m passionately tryin’ to get my point across to.

3) Jack N the Box: noun – the idiot that just won’t listen to reason.