The Jay Graves Report

How Ryan Lochte and Co. actually gave their wallets away bruh! “Hittin Licks”

“Man I thought it was safe bruh!”

Tia Carrere, the actress and singer,  once said, “I had been gullible, naive, soft, pliable. That’s why I got taken advantage of. To survive, you have to have a tough skin.” Stanley Crouch, the poet, gave it to us like this, “Under popular culture’s obsession with a naive inclusion, everything is O.K.” Then Steve Brown, the musician, put it where the goats could get it when he spit, “Too many people get lost in the game of having a good time and being naive about things.” 

Well playas…Ryan Lochte and three of his USA Swim teammates passed the test for bein’ naive early Sunday mornin’. These duns jumped into a taxi headed back to the Olympic Village after hangin’ out at the French Olympic team’s hospitality house in an upscale part of the Rio. Now accordin’ to a statement released by Patrick Sandusky, the USOC spokesman, Their taxi was stopped by individuals posing as armed police officers who demanded the athletes’ money and other personal belongings. All four athletes are safe and cooperating with authorities.”

Let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1st! Most of you cats are askin’ the question as to why I called these boyz naive for gettin’ robbed in Rio? “How dare you blame them for some fools pullin’ guns on “THEM” and takin’ “THEIR” money and credit cards? How are they the ones that are naive Jay?” 

Everybody and their baby’s momma’s momma knows that Rio is one of the poorest places on earth! Everybody and their Uncle Leroy knows that the crime rate in Rio is through the roof. Then you bring the Olympics to town which brings a bunch of naive rich tourist in with it that are walkin’ up and down the streets not payin’ attention at all. 

Durin’ the first 8 days of this foolishness (Olympics) we’ve literally seen video of kids runnin’ up on people in broad daylight pullin’ backpacks and purses off of their shouldlers. We’ve seen cats wrestlin’ boyz to the ground takin’ their money and wallets just three days ago bruh!  So it’s the freakin’ wild wild west out here.  

Havin’ a bunch of foreigners in town with crazy bread to spend and gettin’ into a cab at night  is like pourin’ blood into the ocean, goin’ swimmin’ and then gettin’ upset when the sharks tear off your legs.  You can’t be that naive or for lack of a better word, that darn stupid. And that’s the edited version. Sometimes you’ve got to know that some risks aren’t worth takin’. 

Now this doesn’t excuse the thieves that robbed them. They were dead wrong for takin’ something that doesn’t belong to them. However, bein’ in a cab when you know that the boyz are out here prowlin’ and lookin’ for some fool with money isn’t smart.  You’re in their world bruh and that’s what most of these cats do. So you’ve got to be smart enough to protect yourself. 

If Lochte and his boyz wanted to go the joint that bad they should have been taken by security in a van or shuttle that was provided exclusively by the USA Olympic team! If that wasn’t set up then you stay at the crib. He and his partners could have very easily been killed over some foolishness because that’s somewhere that they didn’t have to go.  

We can avoid a lot of foolishness if people would just think. The clowns that pulled them over didn’t know Ryan Lochte from Benny Hill, Forest Gump or Malcolm X. That means it wasn’t personal or relegated to skin color. They wanted the bread of any fool naive enough to be in a cab trustin’ the dun drivin’ when the city is full of tourists from around the world. Do you really think that Lochte and Co. were the only cats they robbed last night? They’ve been out there hittin’ licks all week. 

There’s an old hood colloquialism that says, “If you left your car runnin’ to run into the store and somebody steals it. Nobody stole your car bruh! You gave it away!” So in reality Lochte and Co. didn’t get robbed they gave their wallets away. Why? Because they should have known better than to be in a cab without security at night in a third world country with an extremely high crime rate where boyz have been jackin’ cats all week. Stop me when I start lyin’! 

Playas Thesaurus: 

1) Spit: verb – to say 

2) Dun: noun – the person in question, dude, guy, etc. It’s whoever I’m talkin’ about and its non-gender specific. 

3) Put it where the goats can get it: verb phrase – to make it as elementary as possible. To put it at ground level so everyone can understand it. 

4) Hittin’ licks: verb phrase – to rob a boy

5) Jackin’: verb- to steal something by force