The Jay Graves Report

How Kobe single handedly DESTROYED the Lakers bruh! “Gangsta Lean”

"Aw so you gone put that on me bruh?

I was hangin’ out in front of the Staples Center hollerin’ at some old timers when they started arguin’ about boyz bein’ selfish. William Gladstone, a 19th century British politician, said, “Selfishness is the greatest curse of the human race.” Martin Luther King Jr. stood up and shouted, “Every man must decide whether he will walk in the light of creative altruism or in the darkness of destructive selfishness.” Then Oscar Wilde, the 19th century Irish writer, blew his horn at all of the homies and said, “Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live.”

I’ve been tellin’ you duns for darn near five years that Kobe “Bean” Bryant was gonna be the death of the Lakers because of his selfishness and now we’re pourin’ out the liquor for all the dead homies! The police have blocked off the freakin’ street and put the chalk around the Staples Center and the homicide unit is investigatin’ the murder. All the homies back in the hood are signin’ “Gangsta Lean” because it’s the proper thing to do bruh. 

When the biggest free agent a boy could sign this week was Timofy Mozgov and he can carjack them for $64 million, the franchise is officially at the bottom of the Santa Monica Pier with needles in it’s arms. 

I’ve been givin’ you duns a play by play on the destruction of the Lakers for years but you wouldn’t listen! Don’t worry about pullin’ the surveillance tape or talkin’ to the crack head outside. I’m right here bruh! 

When the best owner in the NBA, Jerry Buss, died in February of 2013 I told you boyz that Kobe was about to destroy his son, Jim Buss, because the dun didn’t have the guts to keep the Bentley in the road. Why? Because Kobe was about to run all over him. Ole boy was already trippin’ with Jerry when he was still alive because Phil had retired and he was the ONLY person that could control him. 

Let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1st! Everybody and their baby’s momma’s momma, Ms. Jackson, knew that the summer of 2014 was comin’ and every superstar free agent in the league was gonna be available. EVERYBODY! Everybody includin’ the Black Mamba! Because that dun wanted to be the only show in town he made sure to punk Jim Buss and company into to signin’ him to an additional two years at $48 million even though he hadn’t recovered from the Achilles injury. He was already blastin’ these boyz for $30 million at the time and still talkin’ crazy to everybody sniffin’ at the Lakers skirt. Remember that? 

Whenever a boy that is near the end of his career and he’s still thinkin’ that he’s the first option regardless of havin’ major injuries he’s delusional. And I told you cats then that NOBODY was gonna go anywhere near LA to play with that dun! He wanted all of the attention and the freakin’ ball and the last couple of years he got it. Now the Lakers are a complete dumpster fire in the projects and NOBODY wants to play there. You can’t even use the normal sales pitch on a boy now! “It’s LA bruh!!!” It doesn’t work because LA the team sucks!! 

This dun single handedly destroyed the most storied franchise in all of basketball and boyz wanna act like they didn’t see it. Everybody thought that it was funny when he was just talkin’ crazy to cats like the Smush Parker because he was the low man on the totem pole. Duns laughed when he told Nick Young that he didn’t even talk to cats that play on losin’ teams that don’t have rings. Even though he was technically still on the team. 

I’m not even gone talk about the temper tantrums he had that resulted in Shaq gettin’ shipped out of town even though they could have won more championships together. We’re not even goin’ to get into that or did I just trip and fall into that pot hole? I’m just sayin’!

Boyz had the giggles when he was talkin’ crazy about Dwight Howard through the media while they were sittin’ in the same locker room. 

The cats in the barber shop thought Dwight was a buster for leavin’ LA and not wantin’ to commit to playin’ in Hollywood. Somethin’ was wrong with him. Naw playboy, nobody in LA could see the poison that was the Black Mamba. Why? Because he was the Black Mamba! Nobody in LA could see it but boyz all over the league could, especially those that were about to hit free agency. 

See the first thing Kobe fans will holler is, “Man he’s got 5 rings! He can talk to a boy anyway he wants to bruh!” And he did playa! 

The only truth to what these cats are sayin’ is that he’s got 5 rings! Here’s the problem that boyz gloss over pimpin’! Kobe had 8 different coaches while he was with the Lakers playa. But he was only able to win with one of them and guess who that was “Jack N the Box?” Phil freakin’ Jackson the coach that didn’t allow boyz to talk crazy about their teammates in the media and destroy the team. 

Oh I’m lyin’ playa? Kobe played for Dell Harris, Bill Bertka, and Kurt Rambis before Phil took his talents to Hollywood. Then when Phil retired after the ’04 season Rudy Tomjanovich and Frank Hamblin took over with no success and Phil came back midway through the ’05 season. Then after ole boy retired again in 2011 both the Mikes, Brown, D’Antoni and Byron Scott, got ran over by the Kobe bus. 

Now that he’s gone the the joint is layin’ in the middle of the street dead with boyz bumpin’ that Tupac “So Many Tears” with “Lord knows i tried, been a witness to homicide seen drive-bye takin’ lives, little kids die, wonder why as I walk by, broken-hearted as I glance at the the chalk line, getten high!” 

 Phil was the only cat that could keep that dun in check and make him treat his teammates with respect. Why was that important? Because the team couldn’t build for the future!! If every potential free agent around the NBA knew that this dun was selfish and talked crazy to boyz without Phil why would they want to play with him?Therefore, when he left the joint would be in shambles and now it is.  If it was a fact that the Lakers weren’t goin’ to win with Kobe over the past few years then why did they keep him around. 

At some point you had to part ways with the dun. They may as well have amnestied him when they were only into the $30 million deal and not signed him to the 2 year additional $48 million because it was time to start rebuildin’ at that moment. You were gonna lose money at some point in ticket sales anyway so they could have bitten the bullet then and be a decent franchise now. But instead they let that fool run around like a wild dog bitin’ kids in the alley.  

I told you four years ago that we’d be standin’ at the crime scene in LA in front of the Staples Center singin’ “Yesterday” and “Gangsta Lean” because Buss didn’t have the gonads to make a move on Kobe. 

Dude!! Even Pau Gasol bolted to the Bulls! Now you know it’s gotta be bad when a boy voluntarily leaves Hollywood, the city of dreams where he was a celebrity among celebrities chillin’ in Malibu on the beach to go to the Chi!

Have you ever been to Chicago in the winter time playboy? That’s my stompin’ ground playa. I’m from G. I., home of the hustlas, wide brim gangstas and full length top coats where PETA will get their butts whooped for throwin’ paint on a boyz fur coat. And that’s the edited version!

Gasol turned down $30 million dollars to go to a Friday night stepper’s set, listen to house music while sittin’ in traffic on the Dan Ryan, eatin’ Harold’s Chicken out of a brown paper bag in the middle of a freakin’ blizzard to not play another minute with Kobe! In my Chris Tucker high pitch, “Do you understand the words that are comin’ out of my mouth?”  
I’ve written at least 24 Hot Joints over the last four years tellin’ you boyz that the Lakers were makin’ the same mistake that the Celtics made in the ‘80’s when they held on to McHale, Parrish and Bird way too long and it killed them for the next 20 years. Then they turned right around and did it again with Ray Allen, Paul Pierce and Kevin Garnett. Praise God they found Brad Stevens!!

Let me put it where the goats can get it pimpin’, if the Colts could unload Peyton Manning! If the 49ers could get rid of Joe Montana! If Jerry freakin’ Rice, the best that ever did it, can line up in an Oakland Raiders uniform! If Michael Jeffery Jordan can show up in a Wizards jersey don’t tell me that Kobe wasn’t beyond runnin’ out of the tunnel in a Milwaukee Bucks or Denver Nuggets joint if he wasn’t willin’ to walk away on his own.

Now granted, Jordan retired and refused to work for the Jerry’s, both Reinsdorf and Krause, but either way he wasn’t in a Bulls uniform. On some real talk, boyz realized that they had to move on one way or another.

Let me say this playa, if Florida freakin’ State can get rid of Bobby Bowden like he was ole Eddy Cain then what are we talkin’ about? Penn State wouldn’t have ended up on probation with the Sandusky foolishness if they had gotten rid of JoePa ten years earlier. I’m just sayin’!

So since the Lakers wanted to be hard headed and not get rid of Kobe 4 years ago they’ve got to play with the darn Cosby Kids for the next few years. They’ve got to see Fat Albert, Mushmouth, Dumb Donald, Russell, Weird Harold, Rudy and Bucky run out of the tunnel! Could you imagine bein’ the dun that kills the 2nd most storied franchise in NBA history because you couldn’t go sit yo “A” down? Stop me when I start lyin’! 

Playas Thesaurus: 

1) Spit: verb – to say

2) Dun: noun – the person in question, dude, guy, etc. It’s whoever I’m talkin’ about and its non-gender specific.

3) Put it where the goats can get it: verb phrase – to make it as elementary as possible. To put it at ground level so everyone can understand it.

4) Gangsta Lean: verb – to be dead and layin’ in a casket. Popular song released by D.R.S. in 1993