The Jay Graves Report

How Jim Irsay violated the “Crib Rule” Preseason Game 1 bruh! “Uncle Junior”

“Already bruh! C’mon man!”

LeRoy down at the car wash once said, “Dude…you don’t have to sweep and vacuum the interior of the ride bruh! Just vacuum it and keep it movin’ cuz you’re doin’ too much.” Roscoe over at the brown bag joint gave it to us like this, “You don’t need to fry the chicken and the fries in separate grease. Just fry the chicken and the fries cuz you’re doin’ too much!” Then the little homie, “Playa Pimp” told Uncle Junior that he didn’t need to wear both the suspenders and the belt. Pick one so we can get outta here. Why? Because you’re doin’ waaay too much!

Well playas…the freakin’ football season hasn’t even started yet and Jim Irsay is doin’ waaaaaaaay too much! On Saturday evenin’ before the Indianapolis Colts won their first preseason game of the season 19-18 over the Buffalo Bills. Jim Irsay took to Tweeter to holler at Colts fans. This dun tweeted: Colts Fans; it’s a long Pre-Season and 2 Home Games are coming in the next 2 Weeks..Look for #12 to make 1st Start then instead of tonight.” Then he follows that joint up with this foolishness, “…. Yes,there is some truth on this dark,rainy night; that my good friend Rex…has never heard of the word…. PRESEASON????!!!”

Let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1st! Jim Irsay is Uncle freakin’ Junior!!! He’s the dun that’s always doin’ too much! The first tweet was cool because he was just lettin’ the fans know that Luck would be chillin’ in street clothes and if you really wanted to holler back next week it’s cool. Go on and watch the Olympics. We’ll handle these boyz up here in Buffalo and get on back to the crib before you even miss us.

But naw bruh…he’s gotta fry the chicken and the fries in separate grease with his suspenders and the belt on runnin’ the vacuum and sweepin’! By doin’ all of that Pagano’s gotta answer some extra dumb questions about why Luck didn’t play in this game but you were willin’ to play him last week in the dull Hall of Fame game that didn’t happen because some fool used the wrong paint.

It’s not earth shatterin’ or worth Pagano’s time to trip on the question but it’s a question that he doesn’t need to be asked. Everybody and their baby’s momma’s momma, Ms Jackson, knows that what Irsay was sayin’ was probably true. You know that Pagano told that dun that he wasn’t goin’ to play Luck for that very reason because Andrew had been beaten up all season long last year and he wasn’t takin’ anybody’s chances. I get it!! But that conversation is supposed to stay in house!

Remember when ya daddy sit all of kids down and gave you the Crib Rule? It simply states, “What happens in my house stays in my house! Don’t go to school tellin’ my business!” Most of you cats thought Las Vegas came up with that foolishness. Naw playa, that was somebody’s daddy off in the hood somewhere spittin’ that realness 80 years ago.

Jim Irsay needs to go somewhere and sit his butt down. I know Pagano wanted to just take his cell phone and throw it up against the wall. Own the team and be quiet bruh! Stop me when I start lyin’!

Playas Thesaurus: 

1) Spit: verb – to say 

2) Dun: noun – the person in question, dude, guy, etc. It’s whoever I’m talkin’ about and its non-gender specific. 

3) Put it where the goats can get it: verb phrase – to make it as elementary as possible. To put it at ground level so everyone can understand it. 

4) Ms. Jackson: noun – rap song by OutKast