The Jay Graves Report

How Dan Gilbert earned a playas perm & gators for hustlin’ LeBron Saturday! “Goldie”

"Man I didn't know I was gonna be way up here bruh?"

While I was in the Chi this weekend gettin’ with the big homies, I swung by the crib the “G” (Gary, In.) just a few minutes away to get some of those fire Village Hot Dogs. While I was waiting on a boy to bring the dog to life these cats in line started arguing about running a hustle. Lil’ Tunk that’s gang affiliated said, “Always pay attention to a man’s eyes and his hands. They’ll tell you everything that you wanna know about his intentions.” Then Goldie stepped out of line and said, “Listen to me and listen good. I don’t give a crap (and that’s the edited version bruh) what happened to you. You hear me? Now get yourself together, get back out there and git me my money.”

Ole Dan Gilbert must have watched “The Mack” a hundred times before he called LeBron before the season started. This dun went as far as scheduling Zydrundas IIgasuskas’ (Big Z) jersey retirement around the Miami Heat’s visit to Chicago to play the Bulls so that LeBron could be in attendance. Gangsta move to say the least playboy!

So LeBron being the nice and somewhat naïve cat that he is, accepted the invitation to fly over from Chicago to Cleveland on Saturday for the festivities. Like clockwork, not only did LeBron show up but swarms of media type cats did too. Not only did they show up but boyz have been talking about it for weeks. Why? Because Dan pulled a Goldie on these duns and made it happen.

Let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1st! Ole boy knew that nobody outside of the Quicken Loans Arena cared about Big Z’s jersey being retired so he had to turn the lights up. He also knew that LeBron is constantly worried about whether boyz like him or not so he used that against him. Straight pimp move bruh! Verbatim from the Pimps Code of Conduct Volume 1, “In order to get a dun to do whatever you want them to do. Always make it seem like they’ll be disappointing other people if they didn’t do it.”

So when he was hollerin’ at him he made it all about Big Z and how much it would mean to him if LeBron was there and that dun fell for it like a ton of bricks. He put him on the streets and he got his money and marketing out of him.

Do you really think that Gilbert cared about whether LeBron was in town to see his boy’s jersey being hung in the raptors? Do you really think that Big Z would have lost any sleep if LeBron had just called him and said congratulations homeboy? After all, he is working bruh! Z would have completely understood that.

But because LeBron is a softy and won’t just tell a boy how he really feels he got played? Here’s the Cleveland fan that’s gonna try to stick up for the same cat that he loves to hate, “Man why you hatin’? I thought that it was cool for Dan Gilbert to invite LeBron back. He played with Big Z for 7 years in Cleveland and one in Miami! So you’re the one that’s hatin’ now!”

Am I playboy? If Dan had so much respect for LeBron why was he sitting by himself and not with all of the other Cleveland “legends?” According to my mans and nem, Ira Winderman, of the South Florida SunSentinal, in a tweet that read, “Interesting how LeBron was not seated alongside Caveliers “legends.” First of all, that’s a freakin’ oxymoron! That’s like saying the Living Dead! You can’t use Caveliers and Legends together unless you talking about LeBron bruh.

And yeah I get that his jersey hasn’t been retired but why schedule the ceremony around ole boy being able to come if you weren’t going to Carte Blanche ’em?

So if Dan was really concerned about him being a part of the whole joint he would have had him sittin’ with the fellas. Right? But all he wanted was ole boy to be in the building so that he could sell tickets and get more media attention. As far as I’m concerned Dan Gilbert has earned his playas perm and purple gators for that performance on Saturday pimpin’! On Monday he’s even got an appointment to see Paul Wall to get a diamond grill! Then he can officially go to the Playas Convention with Bishop Don Magic Juan and Dolomite. Stop me when I start lyin’!