The Jay Graves Report

Glenn Robinson III pulls a Mayweather and wins the Dunk Contest!!! “G.I. STAND UP!”

"Y'all didn't know? We in here! 219 all day errrday!"

Everybody and their baby’s momma’s momma, Ms. Jackson, was dialed into the 2017 NBA Dunk Contest durin’ All-Star Saturday Night in New Orleans! Why? Because “The G,” literally, was in the buildin’! The Pacers’ Glenn Robinson III was not only reppin’ the blue and gold but he was most importantly reppin’ “The G,” Gary, Indiana, that is!! For y’all that don’t know, we’re like Bebe’s kids! We don’t die, we multiply!

Let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1st! Sure the dun was reppin’ the Pacers and the entire state of Indiana by default. We’ll give y’all that but hands down he was reppin’ the tiny city in Northwest Indiana that boyz like to turn their noses up at when we walk in the buildin’.

Like I told you boyz in the crazy Hot Joint entitled “Reppin’ The G,” anytime a cat can rep “The G” on the national stage all the real playas stand up!  So when it was time for the lil’/big homie to do this thing he took a cat from G.I.’s approach.

He didn’t do too much, counted the numbers on the board and stayed safe. He allowed the duns around him to crash and burn. First of all, DeAndre Jordan had no business in the Dunk Contest!! Why? Because the dun is 6’11” and the taller you are the less appealin’ cosmetically the dunk looks. I don’t care what type of boy he would have thrown down, when he puts his hands up he’s already at the rim. Nothin’ cool or excitin’ about watchin’ a cat just put the ball in the rim. So he was shot before he got started pimpin’.

Then somebody from “The G” must’ve slid up on the side of the Magic’s Aaron Gordon and convinced that dun to use a darn drone in his performance. That was the stupidest move he could have ever made. He’s got crazy hops and should have won the Dunk Contest last year with the “sit down in mid air” dunk. However, Gary is full of hustlas and we knew that a boy like Aaron Gordon wasn’t reppin’ the 219 so he had to lose right? Go tell that dun to use a drone and he’ll fall for it hook, line and sinker.

“Hey bruh, don’t do the best dunk EVER invented because you loss last year doin’ it. Even though everybody breathin’ real air saw you get robbed. Naw playa, don’t do the “Sit down in mid freakin’ air ” again. That’s too easy! Go get a drone! Yeah, that’s it!”

Once ole boy shot himself in the foot it was a two man race and Lil’ G did what he had to do. Who cares that the contest wasn’t a classic. It was only one cat in the buildin’ that boyz from Gary, Indiana wanted to see. I’m sorry we’re selfish like that. We wanna see OUR homeboy walk outta this joint holdin’.

Ole boy stepped in buildin’ and knocked down a perfect 50 on his first dunk by grazin’ his head on the rim and jumpin’ over a dun sittin’ on the shoulder of another cat. Oh by the way, ole boy sittin’ on the shoulders of the cat standin’ up was Jalen Palm (Pacers intern from Louisville), whose daddy is the homie Gip Palm from The G!!! C’mon bruh! When I say The G was in the buildin’ the G was in the buildin’!

After pullin’ off the perfect 50 on the first dunk, based on the numbers, all G needed was a 35 on his second dunk to advance to the second round. He literally could have done a lay up to get there. So he kept it easy and simply dunked the rock doin’ a Dab. Why? Because all he needed was points. He was Floyd Mayweather bruh! All I need is points!!!

Once the Suns’ Derrick Jones Jr. shot himself in the foot in the finals by not bein’ able to finish a dunk by missin’ that joint four times. Glenn stepped to the playas table and jumped over 6’9″ Paul George, grabbed the rock, double clutched and backwards dunked that joint to take home the trophy.

So let me put it where the goats can get it and say it with me bruh, “The G has left the buildin’ with the 2017 NBA Slam Dunk Contest!”  Y’all know how we do this. Doubt boyz from Northwest Indiana, The G more specifically,  and you’ll live to regret it. Nothin’ worse than turnin’ you’re nose up at a boy and then havin’ to look up at him. G.I. STAND UP!!!! And y’all can stop me when I start lyin’!

Playas Thesaurus: 

1) Ms. Jackson: rap song by the super successful group OutKast

2)  Dun: noun – the person in question, dude, guy, etc. It’s whoever I’m talkin’ about and its non-gender specific.

3) Pimpin’: noun  – the person that I’m passionately tryin’ to get me point across to.

4) 219:  the area code in Gary, Indiana

3) Put it where the goats can get it: verb phrase – to make it as elementary as possible. To put it at ground level so everyone can understand it.

The caption under the photo isn’t real but its real talk!