Eagles played exactly ONE ounce of defense to win it’s first EVER Super Bowl! “Salute”

The one ounce of defense played by Brandon Graham right here made all the difference in the world. Photo: Streeter Lecka/Getty Images

Fly Eagles Fly!!! The Philadelphia Eagles have finally won a Super Bowl! They were able to keep the New England Patriots at bay all night and was able to get out of the joint with a 41-33 victory. They jumped all over the defendin’ Super Bowl Champs early on goin’ up 15-3.

But you already know that Tom Brady and Co. weren’t about to go out like some suckers. Neither team showed up with a defense until Philly’s D got off of the bus at the 2:09 mark of the fourth quarter. But I’ll tell you about that in a minute.

At the break the Eagles were up 22-12 and then boyz had to sit through a terrible Justin Timberlake performance and I’m bein’ nice. The dun didn’t do the Prince hologram but he did do a film of him on a sheet hangin’ from the rafters. That was the best thing about the show. Without that it would have been complete trash.

But back to the ball game. Both teams had over 300 yards of total offense at the break! So where were the defenses again? Especially Philly’s? Tom Brady had like 275 yards at halftime but they were down 10.

Nick Foles showed up and showed out like Big Momma used to say. Ole boy finished the night with 373 yards, 3 touchdowns and one dull pick. He’s about to get paid this off-season playa. A back up that stepped in for the starter Carsen Wentz and won the Super Bowl? Aw yeah, somebody’s about to pull the Brinks truck up in front of his crib and unload it.

But let’s get back to these dull defenses in this ball game. Let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1st! At the 40 second mark of the third quarter they had already put up 955 total yards between the two teams, which was a Super Bowl record. In three quarters bruh?

Not an ounce of defense was played in this game until Philly’s Brandon Graham stripped Tom Brady at the 2:09 mark of the fourth quarter. They were able to burn a little more clock before Jake Elliott kicked a 46-yard field goal to make it 41-33.

Then the Patriots special teams coach completely brain farted and tried to out think himself. The dun called  a reverse on the ensuin’ kickoff that almost ended in a fumble and they were tackled on their own 10 yard line. So let me get this straight. You’ve got the greatest quarterback to ever play this game on your team with 1 minute left to play, down by 8 and you’re tryin’ a trick play on the kickoff return? Wheredeydodatat?

Return the stupid ball as far as you can and let ole boy try to win the game. He’s done it what seems like a million times already and you’re tryin’ a reverse? Really? So bein’ 90 yards away made it impossible to do anything with in less than a minute even for the great Tom Brady.

They had to settle for the “L” but you can’t hate on him though. He put up a Super Bowl record 505 yards!! He had a passer ratin’ of 115!!! Are you kiddin’ me? The Patriots scored the most points ever scored by a losin’ team in the Super Bowl. So you can try to clown him if you want to but he doesn’t play defense. He did his job better than anybody that’s EVER played the game before. I’m just sayin’. So if you’ve gotta clown somebody you better clown that defense playa.

Congrats to Philly for a job well done. They showed up when they needed to and are bringin’ the city’s first ever Super Bowl Championship home. #Salute!!! Stop me when I start lyin’!

Playas Thesaurus: 

1) Dun: noun – the person in question, dude, guy, etc. It’s whoever I’m talkin’ about and its non-gender specific.

2) Ole boy: noun – the person that I’m currently talkin’ about.

3) Wheredeydodatat?: Hood for “Who does that?”

The G is excluded from the endings of all words because the G is near and dear to my heart because I’m from “The G” which is Gary, Indiana. So I only use the G when I’m talkin’ about “The G!”

The caption under the photo is real talk today!