The Jay Graves Report

Defense, O-Line puts Tolzien in a trick bag as Steelers blast Colts! “Really bruh?”

INDIANAPOLIS, IN - NOVEMBER 24: Scott Tolzien #16 of the Indianapolis Colts drops back to pass during the second quarter of the game against the Pittsburgh Steelers at Lucas Oil Stadium on November 24, 2016 in Indianapolis, Indiana. (Photo by Andy Lyons/Getty Images)

Stanislaus I, the 17th century King of Poland, once said, “Have the courage to face a difficulty lest it kick you harder than you bargain for.” Winston Churchill gave it to us like this, “A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.” Then Rene Descartes, the 16th century French philosopher, broke it down so that it would forever be broken when he spit, “Divide each difficulty into as many parts as is feasible and necessary to resolve it.”

Well playas…Scott Tolzien ran out on the field at Lucas Oil Stadium with each difficulty balled up into small pieces in his back pocket. Ole boy probably assumed that the degree of difficulty wasn’t as bad as it looked from the sideline while watchin’ Andrew Luck take a beatin’. However, when he got out there somebody gave him a mirror that read, “Objects in mirror are ACTUALLY closer than they appear! So you better run for your life when the ball snaps playin’ behind these cats!” In the process, Pittsburgh beat the brakes off of the Colts 28-7 to make quick work of them on Thanksgiving night.

Let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1st! Tolzien didn’t play a bad game bruh! He actually looked good under the circumstances. Well lookin’ good means that he made it across the street last night and still knew his freakin’ name. He finished 22 of 36 for 205 and two dull picks. However, he had no shot at success because his success was entirely dependent upon the other cats in the car showin’ up and actually doin’ their jobs too!!

When the ball is snapped he’s gotta worry about a boy takin’ his darn head off. So he can’t make good decisions with the ball in his hands just like Luck because it constantly feels like a booby trap is goin’ off. Ole boy was sacked 3 times and hit another 11 times just tryin’ to across the street.

When he did get a pass off and hit a boy, both T.Y. Hilton and Donte MonCrief, in the hands for likely touchdowns they dropped them. Now you already know playin’ behind that offensive line there are VERY few opportunities for success in the first place. The runnin’ game was obsolete with Frank Gore only managin’ to pick up 28 yards on 15 carries. Again, that’s not on Frank bruh! That’s on the dull offensive line.

Did I mention that the defense, before it completely turned into a M.A.S.H unit, gave up touchdowns on the Steelers first three possessions? So the dun runnin’ for his life found himself in a trick bag early on at 21-0 before he could even spit his gum out good.

Everybody and their baby’s momma’s momma, Ms. Jackson, have been talkin’ crazy about Andrew Luck bein’ overrated all season long because the dun isn’t pullin’ rabbits out of cats, turnin’ water to whine and walkin’ on water. It’s impossible to win games when you’re runnin’ for your life and the defense isn’t worth two dead flies smashed. Stop the foolishness bruh!!

When Andrew Luck comes back put that dun in some body armor and see if Trump will let him borrow the wall that he’s backed out of buildin’ now that the secrets have been revealed. Why? Because he’s goin’ to need it playin’ with these cats.

Tryin’ to get through 4 quarters for Tolzien was like tryin’ to across Interstate 465 durin’ rush hour, blind folded with his ankles tied together. Stop me when I start lyin’!

Playas Thesaurus: 

1) Spit: verb – to say

2) Dun: noun – the person in question, dude, guy, etc. It’s whoever I’m talkin’ about and its non-gender specific.

3) Trick Bag: noun – a bag situation that wasn’t brought on by the dun in the situation.

4) Ms. Jackson: noun – rap song by the super group OutKast

5) Dull: adjective – to describe something as bein’ terrible, something that makes you sick with disgust because it’s so stupid to even think of.