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Sweet Nothings (Why Lance thought Game 5 was the Labor Day Bash at the Rucker)

Lance: "How does that feel dawg? LeBron: "You need a Tic Tac playboy!" 
Winston Churchill once said, “To improve is to change; to be perfect is to change often.” General George S. Patton gave it to us like this, “A good plan violently executed now is better than a perfect plan executed next week.” Then Michael Jordan stuck his tongue out before sayin’, “There is no such thing as a perfect basketball player, and I don’t believe there is only one greatest player either.”

I would tend to agree with Air Jordan on that but there is such thing as the perfect situation and the Indiana Pacers found themselves in it on Wednesday night as they squeaked by the Miami Heat 93-90. The stars, the moon, the sun and the smell of Big Momma’s cornbread all fell into the right spot. It was almost like a boy was old school tuning the television with some aluminum foil, standing on one foot with his right arm stretched out and his pinky toe pointed south.

Let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1st! LeBron gets into rare foul trouble and essentially sits the entire freakin’ game. Now before boyz start whinin’ about Big Momma’s home cookin’ she wasn’t cookin’ for the Pacers either bruh. Ole boy legitimately got into foul trouble. I was right there watchin’ him and yes he was foulin’ boyz. As a matter of fact, he could have picked up a tech or two wrestlin' with Lance but we'll get to that in a minute.

At one point this dun had 2 points in 14 minutes of playin’ time. He eventually played a total of 24 minutes and finished with 7 points. So LeBron was a nonfactor for probably the first time ever. Then the Heat must have gotten into Big Momma’s cookin’ oil because they turned the rock over 17 times givin’ up 21 points before gettin’ muscled on the glass 45-38.

Then Paul George goes to work on ‘em and puts up 37 points with 21 of them comin’ in the fourth quarter! It couldn’t have been a more perfect situation for the Pacers. With all of that said, these duns barely got out of the joint alive at the crib! That’s a problem playboy!

Why? Because it’s gotta happen two more times for these boyz to advance. This ain’t March Madness bruh. It’s the NBA Playoffs and the best T.E.A.M. always wins the 7 game series and if you’re countin’ on the stars, moon and the sun to show up and play too, you got problems.

You can barely depend on Roy Hibbert to get out of the ride EVERY night although he did get out last night with 10 points and 13 rebounds. D. West was out there squabbin’ with that deadly midrange of his as he put up 19 and 7. Then my boy ole Lance The Don Dada Mr. #BornReady himself dropped off 12-5-5 and sweet nothings in LeBron’s ear! Wheredeydodatat?

This dun is fresh off of pokin’ the Polar Bears, settin’ a freakin’ forest fire only to run off and leave his teammates sleepin’ in their tents in Miami and then apologizin’ for it only to blow in a boyz ear durin’ the game! Again, wheredeydodatat? What was the point in apologizin’ in the first place?

He may as well have thrown a brick through Lil’ Miss Johnson’s front window, peed in ole lady Ruthie’s flower bed and keyed Rolo the pimp’s Sedan Deville sittin’ in front of liquor store. Because you already know boyz are comin’ to get him. Ole boy broke several rules of the Hood Code of Conduct playa! A) You can’t mess with the old folks. B) You can’t act like messin’ with old folks is cool and C) You can’t think for one minute that the Kingpin doesn’t know where yo momma lives. Boyz are gonna run up on Lance and finish he and his boyz off real quick. Why? Because you’re out here trivializing the importance of the moment or weren't you?

It’s the Eastern Conference Finals bruh not the Labor Day Bash at the Rucker! Now I will say that he did aggravate LeBron most of the night because he was pushin' and shovin' him which may have caused ole boy to foul more than he typically does. LeBron's not gonna admit it but it had an affect of him because after gettin' into foul trouble early he couldn't operate like he normally does. Is Lance as crazy as boyz wanna believe or is there some method to his madness? I'm just sayin'!

Say what you want about Lance Stephenson playboy but the best player on the planet sat on the bench for 24 minutes and only scored 7 points in an elimination because of this cat named #BornReady. So you can call it foolishness all day but the Pacers will call it a win. He didn't do anything illegal out there last night but he did take LeBron to the freakin' Rucker because he got into his head. Playin' half of the game and scorin' only 7 points is gettin' into a boyz head pimpin'! You can't have an affect on the game if you aren't playin'!

If you don't believe that ole boy pulled some old school street psychology on LeBron answer these five questions and if you answer yes to all of them then he did! Did LeBron get into foul trouble when he NEVER does? Yes! Did he sit for 24 minutes? Yes! Was Lance up in his chest and in his ear the entire 24 minutes he was on the floor? Yes! Was both LeBron and D. Wade choppin' at the refs about Lance? Yes! Did LeBron finish the night with 7 points? Yes! Then he was in that duns head playboy!

He was so much in his head that even on the last possession he had the rock and had blown by his defender and saw ole clumsy Roy Hibbert and dished it to Bosh for the go ahead three. Now granted they had already hit 15 three's as a team but he was two feet from the rack and passed on  the yoke and the possible And 1 to close these boyz out! I'm just sayin'! Sounds like Lance did his freakin' job last night bruh!

Now keep in mind that these cats are on the brink of sending Lance and the fellas over to PG’s crib to go fishin’ so he can't go to Miami talkin' crazy. That foolishness works at the crib but not so much on the road.

At least focus on the task at hand, go down to South Beach and play lights out without badgerin’ the freakin’ Polar Bears and runnin’ through Ms. Annie Mae’s tomatoes. Then maybe, just maybe you can get to that the game 7 at the crib that you’ve been beggin’ for since this time last year. Just to be safe have the team doctor remove Lance’s vocal cords and his wind pipe before boardin’ the plane today. Stop me when I start lyin’!

Holla At Ya Boy!
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The caption under the photo isn’t real but its REAL talk!

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